Torn

I feel tonight that several areas of my life that I am currently very comfortable with are being torn from me. The first of these is my relationship with Scott. Granted, we have spent the better part of the past 10 weeks breaking up, I'm still in love with him and I wish we could work it out. We talked tonight and decided to end it for good. This hurts a lot and is one of the reasons I feel torn. Another thing stripped from my comfort is the fact that in the matter of a few weeks, I will be graduated and moving to Omaha. This is exciting, but very scary. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this big step in life, but here it comes! The third part of this feeling tonight deals with my Grandpa. His illness has made me upset past the point I can explain. The hurt and sorrow I feel regarding his situation is something I cannot put into words. I feel like I constantly suppress this because I feel like I'm not strong enough to deal with it. However, earlier this evening, I was talking to a friend who asked me to talk about my Grandpa. This helped more than he will ever know. I feel like I don't spend enough time thinking about my Grandpa because it hurts so much.
Each of these three things are weighing heavy on my mind. I have been trying to sleep and study for finals, but have not been very successful on either. I went to church tonight. There are services every Wednesday night, but I hadn't been to one this year yet. It's interesting because I randomly decided to go, and I felt like they were talking directly to me. The message involved taking everything that is weighing heavy on my mind and giving it up to God to take care of. We each made a list of things that are causing stress and anxiety in our lives. We took our lists and threw them in a trash can at the foot of a cross on the alter. This was refreshing to me as I realized that even though a lot is going on, God will take care of it. God never gives us more than we can handle.
Time to try and sleep. I hope everyone has a good Thursday.

Sh*# that IS cool vs Sh*# that "AINT" cool

This post is in reference to the wonderful trip I took to Norman, Oklahoma this weekend to see my sister. It was wonderful to spend time with her and this trip made me realize just how much I miss seeing her regularly. There will definitely have to be many more trips planned down to Norman in the near future. The title of this post is dedicated to one of Emily's friends we hung out with on Friday night who continually pointed out sh*# that was cool and sh*# that wasn't cool. He was a little "not sober" when he was labeling all of these things. What a funny guy! Okay, so referring to the trip......

Sh*# that AINT cool
-Em's car getting a flat tire the first night we were there
-Whatever was making Randy say "That shi*# aint cool" so much
-Watching The Shining and Em's friend, Aaron walking in the room and scaring the crap out of me.

Sh*# that IS cool
-Making only TWO stops on the way down there! (anyone who knows either Scott or me and our tendency to pee often from our abnormally small bladders)
-Em (being the DD had never driven a diesel stick shift before) driving a carfull of intoxicated people back to Norman from Oklahoma City
-Salsa dancing Friday night in Oklahoma City
-Meeting and hanging out with Em's friends....very cool people!
-This exchange:
Randy: "That sh*# aint cool. That shi*# just aint cool."
Scott: "Hey, Randy...is that sh*# cool?"
Randy: "Nah man, that sh*# just aint cool."
-Having lunch with Scott's Grandparents
-Walking around campus and seeing Em's office, where she works, and where she goes to school
-The rolling/flying stuffed duck
-Beautiful weather on Saturday
-Going to the top of a random dorm building for an awesome view of the stadium
-Yummy places to eat
-Dancing with Em in her living room
-DDR
-Falling asleep while watching a movie at 9PM on Saturday night
-Not doing any homework
-Noodles the cat!
-The awesome CD Em made for me
-Getting away from the craziness of life in Nebraska
-Spending a priceless weekend with my sister
-This exchange at a gas station on our way home:
(Scott purchased a diet Coke and handed over his ATM card)
Cashier: "Could I please see some ID with that?"
Me: (as Scott handed over his ID, I stated in exaggerated tone...totally meaning to just be silly) "Is there alcohol laced in that pop or something?"
Cashier: "No, it's a new card and I don't feel like getting in trouble today."
Me: "Oh, I'm just kidding. Sorry."
(long loooong awkward silence)
(then finally as we walked out, the cashier smiled)
Cashier: "Now be careful of that alcohol in that pop."
(I felt bad at first because I thought I had offended her, but this was awesome...she totally out-smart-assed me, and that was very cool)

I hope I have made it clear that this trip was just what I needed. I miss Em so much and had a wonderful time with her. Thanks, Em!

$40.18

Sarah and I just counted the change I have been collecting for a while, and the grand total is $40.18! We have decided to continue the collection until this spring when we will travel to Canada. Yes, Canada. Why?, you ask...there doesn't have to be a reason when it comes to mine and Sarah's road trips. They are all fun no matter where we end up. :)
Tomorrow morning I'm helping with a Level 2 clinical. I'm really looking forward to seeing if teaching is something I may want to pursue in graduate school...we shall see.
Only ONE MORE DAY until Oklahoma! I'm so excited to see Em! It'll be nice to have a few days away from the craziness of nursing school/band/work also. Have a great Thursday, everybody!

My 3 Little Princesses

I was fortunate to have some time to spend with my 3 little cousins last night. It is so refreshing to spend time with them. At one point, the 3 year-old showed me a spot on her lower leg and claimed..."Look! I got a spakeeto bite." The 6 year-old piped in with "It's mosquito." We went on a walk after that. I was carrying the 5 month year-old, and the 3 y/o was pushing the empty stroller when the 6 y/o claimed "I don't have a job...I need something to do!" I told her to be our tour guide for the walk. As she threw her hands up in the air, she quickly responded with "There are HOUSES, there are TREES....THAT'S IT!" It was so funny. With everything that has been going on, it was very nice to spend an evening with 3 of my favorite people in the entire world.
Amanda and I went out to lunch, and then shopping this afternoon. It was wayyy more fun than doing homework. It was fun to shop and plan our costumes for Halloween...you'll have to come to Gma's to see what we'll be! :-D

Christmas in October + update on life.

It has been a while since my last blog entry. I'd like to begin this entry by emphasizing how much I love Christmas music. I have been listening to it as I study for the past 2 days, and it has been nice.
There are 2 weeks left of classes in my semester. It's crazy to believe that it's time to start studying for finals! However, it's so exciting to be this close to getting my degree. I went to Bryan/LGH West today and spent some time on the adolescent psych unit (where I will be doing my preceptorship.) I spoke with the nurse I will be working with for the last 5 weeks of my semester. I'm really excited to work there and learn everything I can about psych nursing. I love the pace of the unit there...they were maxed out at 24 adolescents in the unit today! I would explain it as being "chaotically under control." There seems to be several things happening at once, but it all works like some big machine (minus a few unexpected behavioral outbursts here and there.) People and the way they think is so interesting.
Here's a brief update on what's to come in the next couple weeks:
Critical Care test tomorrow, Eric's bday party on Friday, babysit my cousins on Saturday, writing papers and working on Sunday, GOING TO CLASS/CLINICAL while the rest of my peers are enjoying their fall break, this next weekend I will go to Oklahoma so I can visit my sister and Scott can visit his Grandparents. I'm excited to get away for a weekend. After I return from that trip, I will be doing some hard-core studying for finals which I take on Halloween and the day after that.
Any ideas of a good Halloween costume for the celebration at Gma's?
I hope everyone's week is going well. Don't forget to take a deep breath once in a while and enjoy the sunshine! :)

Why I want to be a nurse

1. I get to help people through a time in their lives when they need someone the most.
2. moments like today when my patient reached for my hand...just to hold
3. having the ability and opportunity to make people feel better (be it physically or emotionally)
4. It challenges my brain and forces me to think critically all of the time while expanding my knowledge of the medical profession
5. I am constantly running around and multitasking.
6. The body is an amazing and fascinating machine that deserves utmost respect
7. The mind is an amazing and fascinating machine that deserves utmost respect
8. I love working with all different kinds of people
9. catching the family member of a patient off-guard by asking questions about them/how they are doing/etc....allowing them to briefly escape their situation and think about themselves
10. I get to use my sense of humor to make people smile
11. In many ways, the job allows my maternal instincts to shine. I get to care for people every day.
12. Each day is different and unique.