Conclusion!

I have made a decision about what to do regarding the dilemma I presented in my previous entry. After considering the advice of others and doing some pondering and reflecting on my own, here is my idea...
The opinions and feelings of my friends are important to me. My opinion of me is important too..in fact, this self-assessment is what has the most value to me as it shapes my character and helps me with decision-making both in every-day life and in situations that require lots of thought. I have decided that I will do what makes me happy and I will follow my heart. Life is one big learning experience, so the worst I can forsee happening by making the wrong decision is that I will learn a great life lesson. Life is full of good times and bad times. Why not indulge the good times while they are here? So, as I will continue to spend a significant amount of time with my friends, I will also try not to feel guilty when I want to spend time with someone else. Did that explanation make any sense? I may be sleep deprived, but I think it gets my point across in the way it is intended.
On a lighter note...I went home today to help my parents clean. It was great to be home and spend some time with my parents. I sure appreciate our relationship more now as I am growing up. I realize just how amazing they are.
Have a great night and a great week!

PS---My Grandma described my driving as being "zippy"--now what does that even mean?! :-D

Balance---any suggestions??

Today's post focuses on a topic that recently arose involving people I am close to. It was brought to my attention that I am focusing too much on a certain area of my life. I'm not sure what to do about this dilemma. The last thing I want is for anyone to have hurt feelings, especially resulting from my actions. I do spend quite a bit of time with my friends, but is it enough? How do I know how much time to spend with each part of my life so that no one feels left out? I want everyone to be happy, but with the limited time we all have, is that possible? So THAT is the question of the hour. Please feel free to provide suggestions! :)
This evening, I returned from my 8-day trip to New York. It was a great time getting to see Jess and her boyfriend Scott. It was also nice to be a part of all the chaos and explore New York City. Oooo--Jess, Scott, and I visited a cave yesterday. It was 200 feet underground and had a mile worth of walking and a boat ride inside the cave too! I was very impressed. We also spent 3 days in New York City. We went to The Producers on Broadway, went to a Yankee's baseball game, and hung out in Times Square. I have to admit that I am intreagued and fascinated by New York City and how it appears to be its own country with its own culture/traditions/etc. I love the big city, but it is so nice to be home. I love Nebraska and I love being home.

There really is no place like Nebraska.

I'm in New York right now at my friend, Jessica's apartment. She graduated from Vassar College this morning and is preparing to tackle her next endeavor...med school. Anyhoo, the point of this entry is to try and give Nebraska the credit it deserves. I have always loved traveling and exploring new places, but to me, there is NO PLACE like home and there is NO PLACE like Nebraska. This state in particular.....nice state and good times, but I miss Nebraska. For the first time in as long as I can remember I felt a bit homesick. I longed for the friendly people in the grocery store, almost every male you meet being polite and opening doors, and the calmness that seems to hover over the entire state.
I left for NY on Saturday morning at 5:30am. Scott was nice enough to drop me off where I needed to be at 5:00am. Thanks, Scott! Yesterday we came to Poughkeepsie (where Vassar is located). We hung out here last night and Jess and I had some time to relax together which was great. This morning we woke up and the graduation festivities began. The ceremony was very nice and Tom Hanks was one of the speakers. He was all right as a speaker, but famous people are fun to see. His daughter graduated with Jess. I guess Billy Joel's daughter goes to school here too which I think is pretty cool. Tomorrow we're heading into the city and we begin our several day exploration of New York City. I'm excited to be there and spend some time in the city.
Before I left for NY, I went back to the doctor and was diagnosed with Hand Foot and Mouth disease. I guess this is primarily a disease of childhood, and since I babysit, I'm prone to get it. This involves getting blisters in my throat and on my tongue and on my lip. Yeah, this is very attractive and eating hurts really bad and makes my eyes water. At first I thought this was kind of a neat illness to have, but now it just hurts so I'm hoping it won't stay long.
I hope everyone is having a great week! Peace out and if you live in Nebraska, don't forget to appreciate it. :) (unless you don't like it I suppose, then you don't have to appreciate it as much as I do).

New York New York!

In approximately 4 1/2 hours, I'll be on my way to Poughkeepsie, New York. One of my best friends from high school is graduating from college, so I'll be traveling to the east coast to participate in the festivities. I will be in New York for one week and we are planning on spending about half of that in New York City. I'm excited! Okay, time to sleep....4:15am will feel early I'm sure. Peace and have a great week!

Mom

I had dinner with my Mom tonight. It was so comforting to spend some time with her. I'm not sure if it's the uneasy feeling I'm having about all the scary unknowns in life, the sick feeling I've had in my stomach since I went to the doctor today (I'll explain in a later post) or the stress of getting ready for a trip, but our dinner tonight was just what I needed. It was just me and Mom. She always has a way of saying things in a way that makes me feel like I will be okay and so will everything else. She somehow does this in a straight-forward way as part of her realistic way of communicating. I have no idea how she does it, but she's amazing in my eyes.

Kids

Tonight's blog will be short as I am very sleeeeeepy.
I babysat today and witnessed the sweetest exchange I have ever heard. My afternoon began with a spunky, intelligent, and very loving four year-old. Before his mom left for the day, they were casually discussing his birth. He asked "Mom, you picked me out at the hospital, right?" His mom answered "Of course I did." He responded with "How did you know you wanted to pick me?" She responded with "God has a big part in choosing which child is with which parent." The next question is what caught me by surprise. Of all of the questions he could have followed up with, he innocently asked "Does God live at the hospital?" This presented a good opportunity for his mom to explain that God lives everywhere...in your heart. This exchange was so sweet and I am glad to have been there to hear it.
We spent the rest of the afternoon playing outside, then I picked his two sisters up from school. (I feel my maternal instincts strengthen more when I pick my kids up from school!) After arriving back at their house, each of us wrote and illustrated a short story, then spent the afternoon playing Chutes and Ladders, Twister, and learning to crochet. I really want to be a mother.
I went to a fondue party tonight to celebrate Ryan's bday---I think I ate close to 3 times my body mass in fondue. It was so good! After that we went to the bar for a bit. I think I'm really losing my interest in the whole bar scene. I enjoyed it for a year or so, but I think it's almost time for the bars and me to part company. I have nothing against them, I'm just not as interested as I used to be.
I'm off to the doctor tomorrow again--this time not the health center. I'm hoping to get a medication that will cure my tonsilitis before I leave for NY on Saturday.
Have a great night and a wonderful Friday!

GOOD TIMES

Here's a quick run-down (in incomplete sentences) of what went on in Colorado. It was an awesome trip...so relaxing and lots of fun!
Monday: Dropped our stuff off at the condo in Estes Park and drove to Boulder. Ate dinner at an Italian restaurant in downtown Boulder. Met up with our friend Rob at Colorado University, toured the campus for a while. Went back to Estes Park and went to bed EARLY.
Tuesday: Drove to Rocky Mountain National Park and toured the mountains/saw lots of wildlife (elk, a coyote, ground squirrels, birds, etc), CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN!--whew--was tiring but AWESOME, walked around downtown Estes Park, Went to Scott's bday dinner at a Mexican restaurant, Drove back to Rocky Mountain National Park to watch the sunset--it was beautiful!
Wednesday: Went to Rocky Mountain National Park for a third time on the trip (it is so beautiful there--we couldn't stay away), Moved our stuff out of the condo, Ate lunch at a restaurant called Good Times (HOW COOL IS THAT?!), drove home and stopped in North Platte and had dinner with Erin Allison--it was good to see her!

This morning, I woke up really early in response to a dream I was having. It was a very realistic dream: I was at a wedding, and the wedding processional came it but left for a second before the bride and groom came in. Turns out, the wedding party left to come escort Pastor Larry into the church. He looked great and sat right behind me at the wedding. When I woke up from this dream, I was a mixture of happy to see him and sad that I can't see him in real life. It was a strange experience.

That's the update of life to this point. I leave for New York on Saturday morning, so the next 2 days will be spent crazily trying to get everything ready! Take care and I hope all your Christmases are white or sunny depending on your weather preference.

On the Road Again...I Just Can't Wait to Be On the Road Again...

In less than 6 hours, I'll be on my way to Estes Park, Colorado. Scott and I will be out there for 3 days...one of the days is his bday...fun way to spend a birthday and a fun way to spend 3 days! Tomorrow night we're planning on meeting up with a friend of ours who lives in Boulder, and Tuesday will hike and do as many "touristy" things as we can. More than anything, I'm looking forward to temporarily escaping life in Nebraska and having several days to recharge. I'm excited to hang out with Scott too as our schedules don't allow us a whole lot of time to see each other. He's one of my closest friends and we have opposite work schedules this summer...so some time away together will be nice.
Yesterday I found out a friend of mine whom I've known for the past sixteen years is pregnant. She hesitated to tell people for a while because she's embarrassed. The father is not involved and some of her family was initially less than supportive. However, she is a very smart and strong girl, so she will make the best of this. I also know that as a friend, it's my job to do everything in my power to help her. Now, I have no idea how to help raise a child, but I figure I can help with taking care of the little one so she can have some time for herself. I'm scared for her, but pray that things will be okay.
Today I went to church (I am really beginning to like the Methodist church more and more), then I did laundry, babysat for the afternoon, had dinner with Julie, came back here to see my roommates plus another Steph who is staying with us for a few weeks :-D So, if you ever call our apartment, be sure to clarify which Steph you'd like to speak with...otherwise you'll have 3 of us on the phone. :) After that, I talked to my sister in California on the phone for a while. How refreshing to talk to her. It'll be great to see her in June.
Have a great week! I wish everyone a happy, fulfilling and productive week. Take care and I'll see/talk to you all hopefully sometime shortly after returning Wednesday night.
Peace, dudes!

Boo tonsils

I'm going to briefly vent about my experience at the student health center this morning. I woke up this morning and looked at my throat to find (don't read the next sentence if you get grossed out easily...) numerous puss pockets on both tonsils and on the back of my throat moving onto the roof of my mouth. It looked really gross, so I made an appointment at the health center. The Dr I saw this morning is not what you would call one of my favorites, and her nurse had a less than satisfactory bedside manner. I can go to a doctor's office feeling pretty crappy, but when a nurse AND a doctor share the same traits that make you feel uncomfortable and worse, I get MAD. I understand the job of a nurse is challenging and difficult...however I also understand that if you're not up to the challenge and willing to do the job to the best of your ability, you shouldn't be in the profession. When the doctor walked it with the somber look on her face, she asked how long my throat had been hurting. I told her a week or so..I wasn't sure...I don't pay a whole lot of attention to symptoms unless they turn into something like a gross-looking throat like I had today. Anyhoo, she looked at my throat and here is our dialogue: Dr: (in a slightly suspicious tone) "Are you a smoker?" Me: "No." Dr: "Ever smoked?" Me: "No." Dr: "Are you sexually active?" Me: "No" Then she proceeded to ask me about my nonexistant sex life in many more ways. I repeatedly answered no, no, no, no, no. I should have written it on my forehead when she started the line of questioning. I understand that they have to ask those things, but it gets old after answering the same question 3 million times. So to make matters worse, she decided to do a throat culture to detect for a strep throat, a fungal infection, a bacterial infection, and blood work to detect a recurrence of mono, etc. I had the blood test which is fine, but the throat culture wasn't the best experience. I don't really mind them, but she had to use 3 of the sticks and it made me gag and made my eyes water...simultaneously which was interesting. Sooo, we got the results back and she thinks I have exudate pharyngitis. I don't think that's even a real illness, so I have diagnosed myself with a recurrence of tonsilitis...shock! I called my friend the pharmacist, and she said tonisilitis is very similar to exudate pharyngitis. The Dr wanted to put me on some antibiotic with side effects, so I questioned her quite a bit. I think she may have been slightly intimidated that I knew a decent amount about medications or else she may be used to patients taking what she gives them without questioning it. When our discussion ended, she decided that I should take a round of Penicillin. This should make my tonisilitis go away with the least amount of side effects. I just had to vent about my experience. I don't even feel sick, it just frustrates me when I'm treated like that, especially in a healthcare setting where people are supposed to be devoted to helping other people and trying to make them feel better....at least that's why I'm in the profession...maybe I'm wrong, who knows.
I'm going to go home for the afternoon and then watch my cousin's dance recital in Omaha tonight. Big tonsils won't stop me from having fun! :-D Have a great Saturday! I hope it's sunny where you are. (at least I hope your day is sunny if the actual sun isn't shining through)
PS--Only 1 day until Colorado! Woohoo!

Pomp and Circumstance....sweeeet

I realize that the traditional Pomp and Circumstance that is played at graduations is repetative, BUT I really like the song and it still gives me goosebumps whenever I hear it. I think they should play the entire piece instead of just the one little part, but it's a cool song.
I went to Omaha today and witnessed the graduation for UNMC. It was an enjoyable experience as Julie, Steph, and I played UNO during the ceremony with the handy dandy miniature cards supplied by Amanda. (thanks Amanda!!) I saw an old friend at the cermony which was random and fun. I met him in the UNL band back in the day, and he was good friends with my sister...anyhoo, I hadn't seen him in a couple years so that was really fun. After the graduation ceremony, we went back for the celebration party and hung out with Julie's family. There are lots of people in her family and they are fun and we had a good time. Steph and I kept a tally of the number of times people pointed out that we had the same name. I lost count around 7.... I really like spending time with that group of people and also having random conversations with people I don't know....and their mothers....
Tonight when we got home, I learned to embroider by hand. Steph and I are working on our sports bras and our shorts. Yay for learning a new craft. I'd love a profession where I could make crafts all day.
I'd love to go for a bike ride tomorrow...hopefully the rain will stay away. Oh and my lil' cousin's dance recital is tomorrow night! I'm going to Omaha a little early to do her hair and then hang out with my fam there. I'm so excited to move to Omaha. It's bittersweet as I'm sad to leave people here, but it's so exciting too.
My tonsils are getting big again....boo mono, go away! Maybe it's just allergies--*crosses fingers*
Have a great night and I shall stop going on and on and on and on and on and on now. Night! :-D

Cheerios

I love Cheerios. They are great for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. Now don't get me wrong, peas are still my favorite food, but it is so nice to have a food as versatile as Cheerios. Whenever hunger calls (no matter what time of day OR night), you can rely on tasty Cheerios. How awesome is that?!
I will spend today in Omaha celebrating a graduation from UNMC's pharmacy school. As I watch this graduation I will be anticipating my own quickly-approaching graduation. yayyyy!

Short and Sweet

Scrapbooked today. Drove to the city impound today. Talked to my roommates today. Rode my bike out to Walton today. Practiced softball today. Cooked dinner today. Went shopping today. Had a meeting at church today. Went to a softball game today. Good day...

Interesting day...

Have you ever lived through a day and realized that even if you had thought about it really hard, you would not have been able to predict the turn of events that unfolded? Not necessarily anything huge, but life is definitely unpredictable.
This morning I went to a methodist church with my roommate. We took our seats and as we were waiting for the service to begin, Pastor's (i have left first names out b/c i'm still a little skeptical of the online journal thing....anyone who reads this and knows me will know who i am referring to) family came in and sat next to us. His funeral was on Friday and he died a little over a week ago. Okay...methodist church, large church...was very random that they happened to be there and happened to sit right next to us. It was so nice to give hugs and talk although our time was limited. She thanked me for the letter I sent a while ago (it was quite a while ago and i'm sure they received many letters...it meant a lot that she mentioned it). I talked to his daughter for a while who is my age. She laughed as she told me a story about one of the little girls she and I both babysit. While reflecting on the experience of running into this family later today, I stand by my belief that things happen for a reason. I'm not sure of that reason yet. I spent quite a bit of the afternoon crying again. I cannot fathom why this is happening to their family. I am so sad for them. Empathy just can't do justice...there is no way I can even begin to understand what they are going through. All I can seem to do about it is be sad and cry. I will keep praying and pondering this...maybe I will be able to think of something more productive to do with these emotions.
It's hard to say goodbye to a hero and it's difficult to see his family in so much pain. However, I'm sure he is up in heaven watching over his family and watching over his students too. It's still okay to cry though, right??

Death and Life...What does it all mean?

Today I said goodbye to one of the most influential role models in my life. He was my campus pastor and my hero. I met him during the summer before my freshman year of college, and his enthusiasm for God and for life was contagious. I quickly became involved in the church here on campus. He had a big part in easing my transition into college life. He was always available to chat and to talk about life and God.
I spent most of today and a good portion of yesterday in a "zoned out" state in between crying spells. I think in the midst of my grief, I am attempting to understand this all. How is it fair that someone so influential and powerfully giving to everyone he meets be taken from us? I just don't get it. I have had experiences with patients dying and family members dying, and it's just something I have never understood.
After the funeral and the luncheon and an afternoon with my Mom, I went to Omaha with my roommates to babysit my cousins and their cousins (yeah, it was a crazy-lot of kids) Anyway, I held my newborn cousin (and Goddaughter) and briefly reflected on life. I'm not sure of what conclusion I came to beyond feeling so blessed to be involved in this new person's life and feeling blessed to be a part of all three of my cousin's lives.
There has got to be something I can do to bridge what I learned from Pastor and apply it to the lives of others. I will keep thinking about this. In the mean time, I must go to sleep now as 7:30am will come early tomorrow.

Just keep cleaning cleaning cleaning...

So it is 1:17 in the morning, I have to get up around 8am and I can't stop cleaning. I started picking things up in my room earlier this evening, and haven't stopped since. My cleaning seems to resemble Forrest Gump's running. I just keep doing it and I'm not sure why...I don't even like to clean! I haven't really slept well for the past couple nights. My brain has been busy thinking of lots of things. Thank goodness for cleaning and its ability to distract me. What a productive way to lower stress.

A little about myself as I join the world of bloggers

I am 22 years old. I am one semester away from graduating with a bachelor's degree in nursing. The plan after that?? Move to Omaha with my alter ego and roommate :-D We are looking for apartments that will allow us to be closer to our families. My plan is to attend graduate school in a year or so with the ultimate goal of becoming a Pediatric Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. This will take lots of work, money, and time...but I think I'm strong-willed enough to finish.
I describe my life as simple and complex at the same time. It is simple because there are a small number of things that make me feel complete in life. My family, friends, and interactions with acquaintences (my patients, random people at the grocery store, etc) are my reason for being. I love people and they intrigue me. I enjoy being a part of people's lives and sharing in the good and helping through the bad times. Some people describe me as being nosy....okay so I am kind of nosy, but I usually ask questions either in an attempt to help people or because I care.
The reasons I am complex stem from the activity level of my brain (I think and analyze things A LOT) and my tendency to do random things like taking a road trip with no destination, dressing in goth for an evening, or watching the band highlights videos. This brings me to my next point...
I am a band nerd. I love band and music is so important in my life. I use music to help describe my emotions and as a reliever of stress. I have always been surrounded by music and cannot stress how important it is to me. Whether playing piano for hours, drumming a rhythm on my notebook, or singing karaoke in my apartment, music is engraved into my soul.
I'm almost done with the story about me, so congrats if you are still reading! :-D
I am a spiritual person and trust God with leading my life. I have been exposed to a variety of faiths growing up, and believe I am meant to be a Christian. I am very open-minded when it comes to other faiths, so keep that in mind if you ever want to discuss religion! I am fascinated by other people's ideas and how other people think. Despite my openness to a variety of opinions, I do love God and have put my trust in Him.
I love kids. I have 15 different kids I babysit for and love them all. I'd love to have 4 of my own. However with school, lack of maturity, and lack of husband, this plan will have to be put on hold for a while. I look forward to having a family some day with my life surrounding around my children.
I love scrapbooking, taking pictures, going for walks, having deep discussions about life, crocheting, playing racquetball, listening to music, laughing, twirling a flag, singing in the shower, reading quotes, and traveling.
That is me in a nutshell. I am spunky, a little quirky, and witty. I am easily entertained by things in life and enjoy every day I am given to the fullest.