Phanie's blog

Birthday

2007-02-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

My Birthday was yesterday. It was awesome! Thank you to all who helped make it such a special day.

What I have learned in 2006

2007-01-08T01:07:00.000-05:00

Things I have learned in 2006.

-However tough it may be at times, I am able to be a successful and independent adult

-Sometimes people change as they grow, and that's okay

-I love the church I joined in Omaha (Rockbrook United Methodist)

-Kids are much smarter than adults about many things

-A good sense of humor is necessary and beneficial

-It's not scary to put nasogastric tubes in or start IVs anymore

-When a basketball team steals the ball from the opposing team, it's called a turnover, not an interception

-My body suffers from stress

-I am happy

-I have endless patience with children, but need to work on my patience with adults

-Getting my luggage lost can be a fairly entertaining experience

-Being a nurse has taught me so much, and it takes more emotional energy than I have ever expended before

-How exciting it is to hear Handel's Hallelujah Chorus live

-Having a budget is very important

-Dating my best friend is amazing

-Being sick for 6 weeks can make a girl depressed for a while, and it hurts the pocketbook too...

-True friends love you and stay by your side regardless of what is going on in your life. Sometimes, they even drive all the way from Minnesota to be with you in a time of great need.

-My Grandpa was a positive role model in my life

-I want to teach

-A road trip to Alabama with 2 friends is a great way to become refreshed

I am probably forgetting something, but that's all that comes to mind right now. I hope everyone is having a wonderful New Year. My resolutions are to:

1. Get in shape

2. Follow my budget

3. Attend grad school and be on my way to a career in nursing education

What are your resolutions for the new year?

Frustrated

2006-12-06T18:00:00.000-05:00

Just for the record, I am usually a very happy and optimistic person. I tend to only journal when I'm sad and/or frustrated. Now that I've said that, here I go...

I'm frustrated with my job. I'm tired of watching kids suffer. I realize I'm there to help them and feel honored to help people through these times and coach the kids and families through times of need, but I'm so emotionally drained. Furthermore, I'm sad that some of our children die despite all of the efforts to make them healthy. It's not fair. I watched a child die last week. It's something I never want to happen again or ever see again. My logical side knows that children can die just like adults, but it's hard to tell my heart that.

I'm tired of coming home sad, angry, crying, and short-tempered. I'm tired of being the in-between for doctors, families, and other caregivers and getting blamed for everything that goes wrong and expected to be responsible for the entire scope of care.

I'm tired of empty promises---promises of working fewer weekends, etc. I'm tired of working weekends and hardly seeing Andrew. I don't like working holidays either.

Other than that, things are peachy. Hopefully you spared yourself and didn't read this entire venting session. I am done now and I feel better. Thank you.

Church

2006-11-19T23:51:00.001-05:00

I unexpectantly got the day off of work today (I'm working tomorrow instead.) Anyhoo, I got to go to church today which is always awesome. I love our church. Also, to top it off, I was sitting next to a family I didn't know with a little girl who I would estimate to be about 1 1/2 years old. Randomly during the sermon, she reached her arms out to me, so I held her on my lap through much of the sermon. That made my day.

Church

2006-11-19T23:51:00.000-05:00

Life in October and November of 2006

2006-11-07T20:34:00.000-05:00

Life marches on...
Last month, I had my surgery. Both the procedure and the recovery were uneventful. Everything turned out normal which is a huge relief. I feel very blessed about the cards, messages, and calls I received from friends during this time and the time of my Grandfather's death. To be honest, I spent much of October feeling upset and cheated about my Grandfather's passing. However, I just returned from Florida where I spent several days with my Grandma. I felt that she and I had some healing times together as we shared memories, and laughed, and cried. We participated in the All Saints Sunday at their church where the church honors its members who have died in the past year. We carried a picture of Grandpa up to the altar. This was difficult, but healing at the same time. After that service, Grandma and I met my Aunt, Uncle, and 3 princesses for brunch at Disney. It was so refreshing to spend time with them. The timing was excellent. I love spending time in Orlando. It has always been my second home. When I went to leave this morning, my Grandma said "Bye, best friend." I responded with an enthusiastic "See ya later, best friend!" My Grandma is such an inspiration. I really hope she moves to Omaha.
As of this week, Andrew and I have been dating for a year. Wow. It still seems unreal to me. It seems unreal that it has already been a year, and it seems unreal that I am with him. I feel so honored and blessed. He has been there for me when I needed him the most. He can read my thoughts, he always knows the right things to say, and he shows me he loves me on a daily basis with the respect and care he demonstrates. Please pardon my being mushy, but I truely love him with all my heart.

WOOOOO!

2006-10-27T10:26:00.000-04:00

I'm leaving for Oklahoma in a couple hours! I'm sooo excited! Oh, and next weekend, I'll be in Florida with Grandma! I'm helping my uncle get my 3 little cousins there to meet up with my aunt, then I'm going to Grandma's house. I can't wait.

Sleepy

2006-10-19T01:51:00.001-04:00

I'm tired. Today was full of running errands, taking a 3 hour nap in our blanket-filled kiddie pool, doing laundry, going on a double date, and cleaning my room. Those aren't good reasons to be tired, but I am, so I'm going to say goodnight for now.

Sleepy

2006-10-19T01:51:00.000-04:00

Amazing People

2006-10-04T23:49:00.000-04:00

The story of today...
I was in one of those moods tonight. One of those moods where I wanted to eat some chocolate and go to bed. After getting off work, I went to Andrew's house where he had dinner all made and ready to eat. He is a great cook and never hesitates to cook for me on the days I work. After dinner and doing dishes, etc, I returned home to find a package delivered to my apartment. I enthusiastically opened the packaging to discover a generous present from several college friends. This candy and coloring book bouquet had two purposes. It was to serve as a reminder that people were thinking of me at this tough time, but also as a cheer-up before surgery on Monday. I began to think about how lucky I am to have the people in my life I have been blessed with. Wow and thank you.

Regathering myself.

2006-09-26T12:28:00.000-04:00

This week has been intense. My Grandfather's funeral was on Saturday. The entire weekend was filled with much emotion, lots of family, and togetherness. Family came from California, Washington, and New Jersey to mourn the loss of my Grandpa. The family viewing Friday afternoon was the toughest point for me. It forced me to face the reality that Grandpa is no longer on earth. The viewing Friday evening was difficult, but this pain was eased by friends. It was like a big breath of fresh air seeing them and means more than I could everexplain that they planned the trip to see my famly and me.
The funeral service was nice. I wrote the eulogy and read it with my cousin. I was thinking of posting the eulogy, but decided because of it being so personal, I would not. However, I have a copy that I'd be happy to share.
As my Grandpa would want, now is the time to regather our lives, and slowly but surely move on. I will always miss my Grandpa, and his memory will live on forever.

My Grandma: my hero, My Grandpa: my angel

2006-09-18T14:15:00.000-04:00

My Grandfather passed away on Thursday. Instead of thinking of it as him losing a battle, I prefer to see it as him winning the battle. He is in heaven now where he can be at peace and watch over his beloved family and friends.
My Grandma is handling his death with so much courage and faith. It's amazing for me to watch her and I have so much to learn...
I just returned from Florida last night. It was great to be surrounded by family. We drew lots of strength from each other. We will all gather in Nebraska later this week for his funeral here. I miss my Grandpa a lot, and haven't accepted the fact that he's not on earth anymore. At their house, I repeatedly expected him to walk in the door and for everything to be normal. I'm sure this will become more and more real as time goes on. However, I do feel that a part of him is still with me and always will be. We were great buddies, and that will never change.
I will be a pallbearer and read the eulogy at his funeral this week. I only hope I can help make the service as nice as he deserves. When I talk about my Grandpa, I could write an entire book about how he influenced my life and how special he is to me. From a letter I wrote to Grandpa recently, "My love and admiration for you is so great. I feel so blessed to have someone like you in my life who I could look up to as I grew from a cute infant, to a loud and obnoxious child, into a confident adult with clear goals and a deep sense of being loved. You have influenced me in so many ways." "You are my Grandpa...the Grandpa who calls me Stephonopolis...the Grandpa who takes me to the post office and for rides in the pickup to discuss all the important things in life...the Grandpa who always has a way of saying things in a way that makes sense and has always instilled the belief in myself that I was okay...more than okay...worthwhile, loved, and with lots of potential."

Two pieces of advice from Grandpa which I will include in the eulogy come from a book that Grandma, Grandpa, and I wrote in and passed back and forth. In Grandpa's own words:
"As you go forward, remember when things start to pile up. Take a deep breath, smile from ear to ear, and notice the impact a sily grin has on people. They will all start smiling too."

"Way back in high school, I felt that Love was wanting for another that wchich that person or person's, wanted for themselves. It wasn't until much later that I began to understand that view was incomplete and didn't really capture the true meaning of love.
While reading the Bible, I began to kindly understand some things that made a lot of sense. First one was to accept that the only things in life one can keep are those things one is willing to give away. That means for Love to grow, it must be set free. There is no room for 'jealous possession' or owndership or love will falter. When love is sincerely given and set free the reward is it comes back to you many times over. Love is giving to others, especially to those who are most needy of love, whether it's a smile, a meal, or even understanding."

Thanks, Grandpa. I love you.

September, 2006

2006-09-07T01:57:00.000-04:00

It has been an eventful month indeed. I'm going to continue with my blogging trend of some serious topics, so here it goes...
I found out tonight that my Grandpa is going into hospice care. The surgeon said there is nothing else that can be done to treat his cancer. Now, our focus is to keep him comfortable. Wow. I haven't processed it completely yet. Andrew and I purchased plane tickets tonight and will go down in a few weeks to visit.
For the first time in my life and career as a nurse, I watched a patient die. I was assigned to this 18 year-old with many health problems. He was so sick and struggled for quite a while. I took care of him all weekend, and he passed away shortly after I left on Sunday. I was with his family when he started getting sick up until the end. It was the saddest event I have witnessed, and I can't even imagine going through that with my child. I was really depressed the for the day after I took care of him. However, I have begun to make peace with knowing that he no longer has to struggle, and hopefully somehow I helped his family in the time of deepest need.
I feel like there is a lot to process at this time. I feel that the experiences I have are catalysts to my growth as a person. Life is interesting. Thank goodness for God, family, and friends.

Feeling Better. Found a Church. The Move Has Arrived.

2006-08-21T00:22:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling a lot better. I still have a low-grade fever (99.5ish), but I have been eating 3 meals a day, and feel much improved. To update from the last post, the CT scan showed an improvement in my large intestine. The scan also showed a cyst on my ovary that had grown from 2cm to 6cm. I went to a specialist regarding this, and will have surgery in September. I'll keep you posted.

Andrew and I found the church that we are going to join! We visited for the second time today, and some of the members remembered us, we felt very welcomed and comfortable there, so after speaking with the pastor, we definitely decided to join. Now my quest to become Methodist... :)

I am in the process of moving. I'm very much looking forward to life at the new apartment. It'll be a great opportunity to look at my life, move forward, and mature into the person I want to be.

I'm sick of being sick.

2006-08-16T09:44:00.000-04:00

Today is the 9th day I have had a fever between 100 and 101 degrees. Here is my story....

Last Tuesday: I went to the docto with stomach pain and a fever. At my appointment, my doctor noticed a mass on my thyroid (on the right side of my neck.)
Last Wednesday: I woke up very nauseous. I had an ultrasound of the mass the next day as well as a CT of my abdomen. The ultrasound showed a 1.1 by 2.3 cm mass partial solid/part liquid...needed further study. The CT showed a thickening of the wall of my large intestine...also needed more study, so I scheduled a colonoscopy the first time my GI doc had an appointment...the 5th of September.
Last Thursday: I returned to the doctor with a fever and seeking something to help with the nausea. I was sent home with the diagnosis being the flu. I had a needle biopsy done of the mass this day. The procedure was fairly painless, just wanted some answers.
Last Fri-Sun: I slept a lot, and spent the entire weekend on the couch feeling crappy. The fever continued, but the nausea medicine allowed me to eat small meals.
Monday: I woke up miserably nauseous. I threw up all morning and was very dehydrated as I couldn't keep anything down. I went into the doctor who sent me straight to the emergency room. I spent the day there getting rehydrated with IV fluids and having IV anti-nausea medication. I was sent home in the evening with a stronger anti-nausea medication and told to return to my primary doctor in the morning.
Tuesday: My doctor had the good news that the biopsy of my mass is benign. He wants another ultrasound in 6 months, and another biopsy in a year, but the tests were all normal...whew. He also admitted that he has no idea why I still had a fever. I'm stumped too. He ordered another CT scan.
Today: I'm sitting on the couch with a fever and slightly nauseous sipping the jug of contrast I have to finish before I have my CT. I'm officially tired of being sick, but am optimistic that it will all be figured out soon.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Please remember Grandma and Grandpa in those prayers too....they are having a rough time, and more than anything I'd like to be able to be with them.

What I have learned.

2006-08-08T03:36:00.000-04:00

Tonight sparked a time of inquisition for me. Have you ever experienced a time or situation that make you think "Hmmm....What was the purpose of that?" That was tonight, so I compiled a random list of things I have learned on this journey of growing up. Please feel free to add things you have learned or comment on my list.

1. Growing up is quite an adventure....lots to learn, hard to do, but oh so exciting!
2. People change as they grow, and that's okay.
3. Whether intentional or not, sometimes people can make you feel like crap, but it's precisely that feeling that can lead you to grow in maturity.
4. Life is expensive and involves lots of paperwork
5. Crying can be wonderful therapy
6. Holding grudges are useless.
7. It's important to give yourself a break and appreciate how far you've come.
8. Dating my best friend is the most amazing gift I have ever experienced.
9. Figuring out who you are and who you want to be takes time and patience.
10. Following your instinct is so very important. Even though reasoning may not be readily apparent, acting on instinct is very valuable.
11. I have so much to learn.
12. It is important to think of a situation holistically before deciding on how to react.
13. You definitely can't please everyone.

My lil' buddy

2006-08-03T16:05:00.000-04:00

I have a little buddy at work. He's 2. He came in as a suspected abuse case. He had surgery for his injuries and is doing quite well clinically. I had him as a patient shortly after he was admitted and he was very ill. We seemed to bond at that time as I spent a lot of time with him being that he seemed ignored by his caretakers. When I went to work this week, I was assigned to the other end of our unit to care for some of our intermediate kiddos. I enjoy working at that end, but I missed my little buddy. Anyhoo, yesterday I heard his loud distinct squaky laugh coming quickly down the hallway. I looked over my shoulder and said his name enthusiastically as I crouched down to his level. He ran up to me with his arms wide open and gave me a huge hug.
This is why I do what I do.

Gail

2006-07-23T02:12:00.000-04:00

What began as an innocent trip to IHOP quickly turned into a soap opera. Three friends drove to IHOP at midnight not knowing they would affect the life of Gail. Gail is missing a tooth, running on three hours of sleep, and is 50 pounds overweight (according to Gail). The three friends quickly developed the opinion that Gail may have some additional issues. Gail sat down with the girls at least twice throughout the evening to chat. She hates her boss, is feeling suicidal, AND THERE IS DEFINATELY NO ICE CREAM LEFT AT IHOP TONIGHT. Tears were shed as she told her story to these three friends. At the end of the night, Gail smiled a toothless smile and wiped away a tear as she thanked the girls for making her night bearable.

Wherever life takes you, Gail, we wish you all the best. Keep serving it real. Tell those drunks off like a champ.

2 Things

2006-07-21T10:06:00.000-04:00

First and foremost, I'm moving out. I would have never guessed that I'd be moving out merely 7 months after moving here. I wish I understood what was going on. However, I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.
Second, I had a potential exposure at work yesterday. I spent 1 hour in the ER at Methodist in "prophylactic treatment counseling" and having bloodwork drawn. Fortunately, the patient whose wound drain fluid I accidentely splashed on my face was HIV and hepatitis negative. Maybe I need to be less accident-prone...sheesh.

Becoming who I want to be.

2006-07-14T00:03:00.000-04:00

This posting is the result of some time I have spent being introspective lately. It's on the "deeper" side of my thinking, so bear with me....

I have definitely been feeling all of the changes in life lately and am trying to learn from all of them in the process of becoming who I want to be. With all of this meditation, I have come to a few conclusions. I will divide this into categories for ease of reading. :)

Current Changes Taking Place
-I am very uncomfortable with change and have been experiencing a great sense of insecurity lately. Life has been different since my graduation and move in December. Most of the changes have been positive, but they are changes and tough to adjust to regardless.
-I spent 4 1/2 years at college being very comfortable with where I was both educationally and socially. I am no longer living in familiar territory, and am beginning to meet people and make friends here, but it takes time.
-I was in Lincoln tonight and was reminded of how much I miss the comfort of knowing people. I ran into several people in town who I knew. I chatted with some old friends, and even got some hugs. This was so comforting. Some days, I miss going to the mall and running into a minimum of 3 people I know on each trip.
-I was also reminded tonight that there are people who understand me entirely and are there to help me through times like this.

What I'm scared of
-Losing friendships. I have felt a great strain on a friendship that I considered very close before graduating and moving. I have been advised to try and "let things go" and "be how they will," but it's so hard. Every time I interact with this person, I am reminded of the kind of friends that I feel we no longer are.

Who I Want To Be/Things I'd Like to Accomplish
-I take these 3 goals I try to live by from a sermon I heard back at LSC.
1. Be close to God
2. Live a life of significance
3. Leave a legacy
-These goals are how I try to live. In addition, I want to make tough times more bearable for people, I want to make a difference, I want to be in love, I want to live close to my immediate family and travel to visit my other family members, I want to be happy, I want others to be happy, I want to stay busy, I want to be involved in church, I want to be needed, I want to be physically in shape, I want to harvest friendships that will last a lifetime.

Basically what I'm getting at is that this is a time in life when many changes take place. It's an exciting time of life, but it's so scary too. Life is quite the adventure and I'm along for the ride!

Adulthood

2006-06-30T22:56:00.000-04:00

I'm fed up with being an adult. There, I said it. That is all for now.

60 Hours in 6 Days.

2006-06-26T23:00:00.000-04:00

That title sounds like the name of a great drama film. hehehe. That title sums up what I will be doing this next week. I work 60 hours the next 6 days. It's my first week off of orientation, and call me crazy, but I thought picking up an extra shift would be a great way to dive in and increase my comfort with my job. I feel more and more confident each time I work, but I still have lots and lots of room to grow. As I'm sure is true with most professions out there, this nursing thing is tough. It's emotionally and physically draining. I love it though.
I spent the past 2 days with Andrew as we are house/dog/cat/rat sitting for friends of ours. The dog is huge and very sweet, the cat is the devil, and the rats are pretty cute.
Have a great week and I'll catch ya later!

What is this all about?!

2006-06-19T22:51:00.000-04:00

I apologize for neglecting my dear blog lately. I feel like I haven't been home for a loooong time...it's because I haven't.
Life is indeed good lately! I feel very busy, and here is a short summary of what I have been up to.
-I went on a lovely and relaxing week-long trip to Alabama a couple weeks ago. It was a great opportunity to spend some quality time with 2 of my favorite people and relax all at the same time! I was reminded of how comforting it is to have friends know me and appreciate me for being me.
-I had supper with Erin last week! We had a grand time shopping in the grocery store, eating ice cream, and watching a movie. We are anxiously planning our trip to Europe for next summer. (Next summer, I will backpack through Europe with her, and also take a trip to California with my family!)
-Work is going pretty well. To be honest, my job stresses the heck out of me. Although I love what I do, I'm very scared of it. Now that I'm ending my orientation, I'm even more hesitant. I think I need to be thrown out and face my fears....it's hard growing up....
-I will go to Minnesota in a couple weeks for a friend's wedding. Em will be in town and will go to Minnesota too! I'm soooo excited to see that girl!
-I was sent home from work on Thursday due to a rash I had. Come to find out, it was just excema. Anyhoo, it gave me an extra day off and I was able to go home with Andrew for the weekend.
-I spent the weekend at Andrew's parent's house. We were in town for his 5-year high school reunion. I had a lot of fun getting to know his high school classmates. They were all very nice, and it was fun to spend an entire weekend with my favorite boy. I met his friends from high school, and I also met his church family in his hometown. It was a great weekend! We came back to Lincoln last night and had dinner, played cards, and took a walk with my parents for their anniversary. It was fun to hang out with both of our families in the same weekend.
-I will go to Lincoln on Wednesday for a 2-day nannying event. I get to spend 2 days with one of the families I spent a lot of time with through high school and college. I'm excited! I'll see my parents this week too and hang out with a friend from nursing school too!
-Life has been great. I have enjoyed having Andrew in Omaha. I'm trying to learn to balance time between work, seeing him, seeing friends, and seeing family. I recognize that once the school year starts, and when I start school again, the time management issue will be even trickier. I'm enjoying the time I have right now with people, and hope that things fall into place when they need too.

Okay, time for bed. Have a wonderful week!

Ahhh

2006-05-30T22:55:00.000-04:00

I apologize for the lack of postings. Life has been good and quick-paced lately....ahh, just how I like it! Here's a brief update on what I've been up to...
I worked a lot last week, and helped Andrew move to Omaha. It is so nice to have him closer. We see each other once every other day or so. It's very comforting to have him closer. I'm a nerd, but I'm in love...what can I say?! I have found someone whose personality is the perfect balance of mine. We are similar in many ways, but we compliment each other in some aspects as well. Ahh, life is good :)
I'm gaining confidence at work. I had an experience last week that helped bring me out of my shell. I had a little 3 year-old patient come back from an ortho surgery. Shortly after I assumed care of her, she began to experience severe respiratory distress. I was firm about getting a doctor up at the bedside as soon as possible to evaluate her and prescribe an appropriate treatment. It took me 15 minutes to get a doctor there, as her oxygen sats dropped to 50s and you could hear her trying to breath all the way down the hall. It was a scary situation, but I was assertive about getting a doctor there, and about being proactive for my patient's well-being. The physician who finally responded wasn't the most friendly or the most helpful. However, I stood by what I say/heard/believed, and eventually this girl was prescribed what she needed to help her breathing.
I'm working 3 days in a row this week, and then it's off to Alabama! I'm sooo excited for this trip! It's my one vacation of the summer and I'm ready for it!
I must say that this quick pace and being busy is great for me. It's how I operate most efficiently and happily. I'm a multi-tasker, and some people may say a busy-body. I enjoy a certain amount of chaos.
Okay time to stop rambling and get some sleep before work tomorrow.
Peace out and have a great week!

Change is all around!

2006-05-07T22:57:00.000-04:00

Change.
It's good, it's productive, it's scary, it's harmful or beneficial, it's a great way to grow, it's many things....it's change.
I spent the weekend participating in graduation festivities as some close friends took this huge step in life. I clearly remember the feeling of all of the sudden being finished with school, having the diploma, and thinking oh shi%! Anyhoo, although I still consider myself in the "transition" stage of becoming an adult, it becomes increasingly comfortable with time. The whole journey of figuring out who I am and who I want to be is an exciting one. If no change took place in life, you'd still be the same person you were in elementary school...or even worse, middle school! (ahh head gear and braces!)
I stand by the fact that although change can be one of the scariest things in life, it's also one of the best and most exciting aspects.
All of you about to step out onto scary uncharted paths, you will do wonderfully! Keep your chin up, enjoy the journey, and don't forget to come back and visit! :-D

The End of an Era? I hope not.

2006-04-30T00:38:00.000-04:00

This posting refers to something dear to my heart that began 4 years ago. It was amazing and ever since December, something just isn't right.
Frustration. Hurt. Excluded. Drifting. Unexplained behavior. Is it worth it? Of course it is, but I'm quickly getting burnt out trying to make it work.

Bulleted list...an Update

2006-04-28T00:18:00.000-04:00

-I spoke with UNMC today regarding grad school. Now it's time to decide which program exactly I want to apply for....(and I thought I was finished making that big decision of what to do with my life.) :)
-I was very stressed last night and cried for a good hour. I say good hour, because this cry had been brewing for a long time and I felt so much better afterwords. I have been feeling a lot of stress with my job and the changes taking place in life right now, so needed a little vent time. I was reminded of how comforting a good friend can be in a time like this. Ya know how there are certain people who seem to know the right things to say? Yep, that's her....
-Andrew had flowers and a teddy bear sent to my work today. What a day-brightener and a sweet guy. He's so calm and patient with my stress about everything that's going on. Often things that go on at work upset me and I don't take time to deal with it. Andrew seems to know that all I need many times is to talk out what's going on. At the same time, he's very supportive and wonderful. I feel very lucky....
-I'll be in Lincoln this weekend for Andrew's graduation gathering, to meet a couple friends for lunch, attend a wedding, to attend a bridal shower, and then listen to my dad sing in an a capella concert. I'm excited for this weekend. I'm spending time with people I care about...how exciting!
Happy Weekend!

Easter Weekend

2006-04-18T09:37:00.000-04:00

This Easter weekend was a great one. I worked Friday until around 8:30pm. Andrew cooked me dinner at my apartment that evening. He had it ready when I came home from work.
Saturday morning, Andrew and I went to his Grandparent's auction. They are in the process of selling the family farm. After we were at the auction for a while, his Grandpa was ready to go home and so were we, so we took him back to his house and hung out there for the afternoon. It was so comforting as the exchanges between his Grandpa and him, and also their house and the whole environment reminded me of being at Great Grandma and Great Grandpa's house in Valley. I miss those times. I played Andrew's Grandma's piano for quite a while, then Andrew and I played cards. When everyone else got home, I learned how to play Pinochle, and the importance of this game to the Hopp family. It's similar to my family and the game Shanghi. We went over to Andrew's Aunt and Uncle's house for supper and more Pinochle. His entire family is very sweet and made me feel at home. I enjoyed spending time with them and as always, I love observing people and how they interact. It was a great evening.
Back in Lincoln Sunday morning, I went to early church, then came back to my parent's house and took a 2 hour nap! Wooo! After awaking from this wonderful nap, my parents and I met my mom's friend at the Cornhusker and had Easter brunch at the hotel. This was the second year we had our Easter meal here, and I really enjoyed the atmosphere. After brunch, we went back home and I began looking through pictures from when I was younger. Mom, Dad, and I went to the movie Failure to Launch later that afternoon. It was a funny movie. We went back home after that, and Dad and I looked at old pictures the rest of the afternoon. It felt great to be home. Later that evening, I went to Husker Courtyards to visit Steph, Steph, and Sarah. It was great to see them. I intended to leave around 11pm because I had to get up early the next morning, but didn't leave until 12:30am....and it was worth it! I miss living there and being close to those girls.
Monday morning, I woke up early and drove to Falls City to spend time with Andrew's family. I really enjoyed the day. We drove around the town, walked around Andrew's high school, then Andrew's mom and I looked at his and my baby pictures. We played Scrabble and I drove their manual transmission pick-up truck. We ate 2 yummy meals and played a couple games of Pinochle.
Andrew and I talked for the entire ride home. We had serious talks and we also laughed a lot. I am very much in love. Words just can't do justice....
Have a wonderful week!

Comfort of familiar times vs. the Present time

2006-04-10T00:02:00.000-04:00

I played oboe and sung in the chior at the Lutheran Student Center today. It was so comforting to be surrounded by friends and participate in what was familiar to me. I was happy to see my friends from the Center and loved the hugs and chats I had with friends there today. Although I'm happy with my life now, there is a part of me that misses my life in Lincoln. I was comforable with the care-free attitude and minimal responsibility that made up my life. I was good at school, and loved being surrounded by friends there. I am now in a profession that still intimidates me. I am becoming more and more comfortable, but it's still quite scary to me. Once in a while, I long for the days of staying up until 2am for the sole purpose of playing pitch with my roommates.
I spent some time with Andrew this weekend too. I can try to describe our relationship, but words just don't do justice. This is the most amazing feeling I've ever had, and I feel incredibly lucky to be in this journey of life with him. He will be moving to western Iowa this summer and will teach there next year. I'm so excited that he will be closer!
Life and the change involved with life can be scary, but it's also an exciting adventure. Change, although intimidating, can be extremely beneficial. I feel that I have grown up a lot since graduation. I'm still my silly self, but I definitely am gaining a grasp on who I want to be and what I want to do with my life.
Okay, it's way past my bedtime and I work 4 days this week, so I'm off to bed. Happy end of the semester to everyone back in Lincoln! I send positive study vibes and lots of hugs your way!

Tornado Warning at the hospital.

2006-03-31T12:55:00.000-05:00

Do you ever wonder what happens during a tornado warning at a hospital? Let me share my experience from yesterday. The day was busy, but typical until around 4pm when a tornado warning was announced. The emergency plan involves moving ALL patients and family members into the hallways and rooms away from windows. This may sound simple, but bear in mind that many of our patients are on monitors, ventilators, and various other machines. It was an adventure, but we got everyone moved into either hallways, offices, or a conference room. I had one patient still unconscious from having sedation, so I had to manually take vital signs every 10 minutes, and I had to monitor my other 2 patients at the same time. It was quite the adventure, but we all worked well together and got through the 45 minutes of craziness. I ran back and forth in between checking on my patients, and running and fetching things from people's rooms that they needed. What an adventure...

Tinkerbell and the Midwest

2006-03-26T23:00:00.000-05:00

I am continuing my recent tradition of writing blogs about random topics. Okay folks, here's what's on my mind...
I just returned from a day trip to South Sioux City, NE where I visited Andrew W (aka bro). He is the brother I never had and moved to So. Sioux City after he graduated in May. A visit was way overdue, and I'm so glad I went. (For clarification, don't confuse Andrew W--Bro with Andrew H--My boyfriend, or Andrew L--Julie's boyfriend.) There seem to be many Andrews in my life, but they are all awesome people and very important to me.
Bro and I went to Red Lobster for supper, and laughed through a good deal of dinner. It's what he, Em and I do. We find humor in absolutely everything. So, when the checks were brought to our table, the waiter pulled 2 pens out of his pocket so we could sign our checks. He grabbed a purple fluffy Tinkerbell pen, and a regular pen. Without thinking, he gave the regular one to me and the Tinkerbell to Andrew. We laughed so hard, and then as we looked at the pen closer, we realized that Tinkerbell could have used a bath. She was smudged with mud and who knows what else, but it had us laughing for a very long time.
On my way home, I overestimated the power of my gas tank, and as I was driving in northern Iowa, my gas gauge showed less and less gas. This wouldn't have been such a big deal, but I was in the middle of nowhere I was familiar with, and it was at night. My gas light came on for a while, and I decided I had to pull over at the next small town and figure something out. I was in a bit of a panic as I drove up to a gas station. It was closed, but out of nowhere, a girl drove up in a red car. She looked about my age, and just came over and asked if I needed help with anything. I was talking really fast and very flustered, but she was very calm in return and showed me how to use the "older-type" pump that was there. She waited until I pumped my gas to leave, and told me that if the machine didn't work, the person she was with worked at the gas station, and could get into the store and help me. Seriously, an angel must have been watching over me and sent her there to help me. I don't deserve things like this, but am very thankful for whoever was watching over me. I thanked her repeatedly before driving home. It's those kind of people that makes me want to stay in the Midwest. It seems like people look out for each other. So to the girl who helped me with my car problems tonight, whoever you are and wherever you may be, thank you.

Poll--Responses Requested

2006-03-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

I am taking a poll because I can't decide how I feel about something. As many of you know, I'm a big facebook fan and many of you may be familiar with how pictures of you can be "tagged" by other facebookers. A friend recently tagged a picture of Andrew and I kissing and put it up on facebook. I'm not upset by any means, but I can't decide if I should be embarrassed or not. It's not a big kiss or anything, but I have never been a fan of PDA and the picture of us seems to be a form of this. Anyhoo, any suggestions??

Disappointment

2006-03-18T22:21:00.000-05:00

Please pardon my vagueness with this posting, but the concept of disappointment and its impact on people is intreaguing. It's interesting how psyched people can make themselves, and what animpact disappointment can have. This is something I have both observed and experienced this weekend. Being interested in the thought processes of people and of myself, it lead me to begin pondering... What does disappointment feel like for other people and how is it so powerful? People generally expect things to go a certain way, typically a grand expectation. Often times, things don't go exactly as planned and people seem to continually set themselves up for the "big D word." Any ideas or thoughts on the concept of disappointment?

2 more random thoughts

2006-03-08T21:45:00.000-05:00

Thank you to Andrew for putting up with me yesterday when I was cranky and food-less. You are wonderful and I love you.

Erin and I are planning a trip to Europe during the summer of 2007! I'm so excited!

IBS

2006-03-08T21:37:00.000-05:00

I have decided to dedicate a short posting to Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I have been dealing with this condition every since I was little. My intestines are sensitive to certain foods, stress, and sometimes for no reason at all. Anyhoo, IBS is the reason I am (for lack of a better term) "gassier" than your common 23 year-old. No matter what I eat, I seem to be burp constantly and, sometimes the gas comes out the other end too.... :-D I know this is soooo attractive, but I thought that maybe it deserves a little attention and explanation. Between 15% and 20% of Americans have been diagnosed with IBS, so it's fairly common.
I recently had what may be referred to as an IBS flare-up. I haven't had a flare-up since high school, so this surprised me. I have this pressure in my abdomen that won't go away. I went to the doctor yesterday, they ran some tests, and figured out a diet for me to try. This diet consisted of eating nothing for 24 hours, and then only certain foods after that. I had to stay home from work today because having no food in my body is not fun and the new anti-spasm medication I have made me very sleepy!
Long story short, everything is under control. I'm headed back to work tomorrow. Also, if you are hanging around me and I seem to be full of gas, please pardon me. :-D Okay, I'm done for now. Have a great rest of your week!

Random conversations on an airplane and Lent

2006-03-06T10:09:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I returned home from visiting Emily in Oklahoma. It was awsome to spend the weekend with her. We went shopping, ate sushi, got massages, hung out with her friends, and chilled at her apartment. It was just nice to be around her and I'm hoping we can coordinate another trip soon.
As I flew to and from Oklahoma, I was reminded of how much people fascinate me. I love the random conversations that happen on airplanes. On my first flight, I sat by a middle-aged woman. She began our conversation by looking at me and saying "So, you have a February birthday.." I looked at her in silence for a minute a little creeped out before saying "Yes... How do you know that?" She was looking at the amethyst bracelet I wear for Pancreatic cancer awareness. It all made sense to me then, but it sparked a conversation that lasted for quite a while. On my flight back to Omaha, I sat by a lady in her upper 20s. Every time the plane experienced a little turbulence, she frantically grasped the arm rests. At that point, I began a conversation with her and she told me she was scared to death. This conversation was more a therapeutic one as I tried to help her through this experience. It was ironic, I found out she was a counselor... :) Yay for being therapeutic to counselors. I love psychology and psych though....I can't wait to go back to school.
My final thought...Lent this year. I usually give up something that I'm really going to miss, but this year I decided to set a personal goal instead. There are many times that I make random comments that I shouldn't have said. For example, this weekend there was a girl at a restaurant we went to who appeared to be heavily intoxicated. Although she was acting very silly and it was easy to laugh at her and make comments, this isn't right. The same goes for talking about an ex-bf or anyone else I may be struggling with. People have the right to portray themselves to society however they want to without interruption. I believe that people give society a good enough idea of who they are without the help of people like me making comments. My goal (which will go beyond Lent) is to keep negative thoughts in my head and be classy in this respect.

Yesterday=rough, Today=great

2006-02-28T21:22:00.000-05:00

Things can sure turn around fast....
Yesterday
-very busy day, couldn't get a handle on everything, many dismissals and admissions (very time-consuming) and spent 3 hours in MRI monitoring a patient with sedation

-while I was in MRI, the JCAHO lady interrogated me for 20 minutes. (JCAHO determines accredidation of institutions). They target employees and grill them with questions. This lady was very rude, and I almost cried while at the same time I was trying to continue monitoring my patient. I answered the questions pretty well, just couldn't remember the "A" in RACE in cases of a fire. When she and the other hospital officials finially left, some techs/etc came back into the room who fled when they saw this lady coming. I said "well thanks guys" jokingly and one of the techs told me that next time she does that to me, I should grab my butt and say "I have to take a poop!" and run out frantically. I liked his advice.

-I had a new admit at the time of change of shift who was life-flighted into the hospital. This family spoke no English.

Today
-I inserted a nasogastric tube (it's the one procedure I was most afraid of doing and hadn't done yet, so it felt good to have that under my belt.)
-I was supposed to help with holding a toddler while she received an IM shot. The nurse who was supposed to administer it graduated a semester before me, and was visibly shaken as we were preparing to give the shot. She finally said "I just hate giving shots. I'm so nervous." I jumped at that opportunity and said "I'll do it!" She was thankful that I volunteered, and it all went well.
-I administered chemotherapy for the first time.
-Two of the nurses plus my preceptor had to leave the floor for various reasons, so at one point this afternoon, I was in charge of 9 patients at one time.
-This afternoon, we had clinical students from UNMC-Lincoln (my alma mater!) I knew 2 of the girls in the class. It was so comforting to see the familiar faces from my home territory.
-I started calling my preceptor mom today...she has been such a mother to me and is very protective of me...she's great (don't worry, Mom, she doesn't replace you...she's just a fill-in while i'm at work:))
-I had quite a bit of autonomy today and made many decisions independently, and I felt competent in doing so.
-I talked to Gracie, my 3 year-old cousin on the phone tonight
-I have time to do a load of laundry
-I'm going to Oklahoma to see my sister in 1 day!

A suppository, my spleen, grad school, and a haircut

2006-02-21T22:33:00.000-05:00

These four terms may seem to bear no relation, but in fact they all relate to today. Let me briefly explain:
A suppository==> For anyone not familiar with medical lingo, a suppository is a medication in pill form shaped like a small bullet. It is inserted into the anus and is used when pills are not able to be swallowed. I administered one today. The process went just fine, but that patient's reaction to it caused me to chuckle for a moment. I administered this suppository to an infant. Not 2 seconds after I put it in, this little baby shot the suppository right back out at me! I thought, well that's strange, so I put it back in. Even quicker this time, he shot it right back out. It was as if this baby was saying "YOU CAN STICK THAT UP MY BUTT, BUT THERE'S NO WAY I'M KEEPING IT UP THERE!" By the second time this happened, it kind of made me chuckle. Anyhoo, I administered it for a 3rd time and it stayed this time.
My spleen==> is inflamed. I have been having stomach pain for several days. At first I thought that maybe mono was resurfacing, but when I went to work today I learned that there was an outbreak of a type of influenza and several of us were having similar symptoms. Supposedly this virus will run it's course and my spleen will shrink with time.
Grad school==> I explored some possibilities with grad school. I will most likely attend UNMC's grad program and hope to begin in January. I have tentatively decided that I would like to pursue a degree as a Clinical Nurse Specialist in Psychiatric Nursing. My original plan was to pursue a Nurse Practitioner degree, but I would have to attend school full time which would most likely mean not working at Children's, and I'm not willing to give up a job that I love. My responsibilities as a CNS differ a bit from being an NP, but the two roles have quite a bit in common.
A haircut==>I'm getting my hair cut and permed (wavy-style) tomorrow. I'm excited.

Valentine's Day

2006-02-15T00:31:00.000-05:00

I want to take this opportunity to honor Andrew and all that he means to me. I can honestly with all my heart say that I am deeply in love. I have never felt this way about anyone or felt this kind of connection with anyone before. Andrew and I are entertained and content with each other regardless of what we are doing. I want to be with him all the time. I miss him when we're not together and when we are together, I want to freeze time. I admire him for all that he is....honest, genuine, caring, patient, supportive, and the list goes on and on. I feel incredibly lucky to have him in my life and be able to call him my true love. We are a good balance and I believe we bring out the best in each other.
I don't need anything for Valentine's Day except for my honey.

I don't get it.

2006-02-15T00:17:00.000-05:00

I wanted to write a post on how much I don't understand death. My friend's mom just passed away. I don't get it. It's not fair. I feel that I have been exposed to death and dying quite a bit, but I still don't understand it. It's just not fair.

Big Day

2006-02-07T23:32:00.000-05:00

Today was a huge day as 2 very important things happened....

I found out that I PASSED THE NCLEX! (That's right, I'm a real true Registered Nurse now!)
and
I turned 23 today!

I had a wonderful day at work today, and had many reminders of how lucky I am when I got home from work. I had some messages and e-mails from friends. My parents also came up from Lincoln to take me out to dinner. I feel so blessed. My friends and family mean the world to me and I hope they all know that. They make my life complete and I am so thankful.

Thank you.

Grad School

2006-01-31T23:37:00.000-05:00

I think I want to begin graduate school in the spring instead of waiting 2 years as previously planned. I've been thinking about that today, and I think I'm going to be ready to go back in the near future.

Content

2006-01-30T00:07:00.000-05:00

Life is good.
The adjustment to life in Omaha is going well. I'm still fairly homesick, but I'm beginning to get used to the changes. I enjoy this working 3 days a week thing. The days I work are long, but I love the schedule as it works out very well. I have had lots of time to see my 3 favorite little girls here in Omaha. I just returned from my cousins' house where we played tonight. If only I could make a living hanging out with the three of them... :)
I'm very much in love. The 50 miles between Andrew and I have been a challenge, but we are proving that we are stronger than the distance. I've never felt this way about anyone before. There was a time in my recent past when I thought I was in love, but through my healing process of getting past that relationship and the experience of my current relationship, I realized I was never truely in love before. I was with someone who I believe "loved" me for wrong reasons. However, now I am with someone who is in love with me for who I am. He loves me when I'm sad, happy, in strange moods, excited, successful or unsuccessful, scared or confident. I feel a sense of unconditional love and that is something very rare. I wish we could be closer as the distance has proven to be quite the challenge. I'm really struggling with seeing him only once a week. However, I'm also a strong believer that this experience will prove a lot about our relationship.
My job is going very well. I take my State Board exam a week from tomorrow. I'm very nervous, but am so ready to be done with it. I enjoy the atomsphere at Children's hospital. I am beginning to meet several co-workers, and enjoying the opportunity to learn so much every day. I have always wanted to have the knowledge of a nurse, and this goal is coming true especially since I began working. It's amazing how much I learn each time I go to work.
My sister just called tonight. She must have a way of knowing when a talk with her is needed so much. I miss her tons, and have been feeling a bit homesick today, so it was a big comfort to talk with her. We laughed a lot which is something we find it easy to do when we converse.
I wish everyone a wonderful week!

I can't think of a creative title right now.

2006-01-19T23:23:00.000-05:00

I don't have a specific title for this post (hence the lack of creativity with naming my post.) I just wanted to comment on a few things. First, I want to say I really like my job. I had my first 12 hour shift today, and although it was tiring, I really enjoyed it. I had 5 patients today between the ages of 2 and 3. I love working with children and feel like I can relate to a child 200% better than I can relate to any adult. I am usually very anxious/nervous about things, but I was remarkably calm today. I even remained calm when we had a little patient who became critical very fast. Her blood pressures were 42/12ish. (Normal for this age group is 110/70ish.) Needless to say, she was very sick and we had to think and act fast. In nursing, the method of teaching is to throw you out into the pool and see if you can swim. It's amazing how fast I learn in these situations. I was reflecting on today and how much I learned in one day. I have always wanted to have the knowledge of a nurse and work with children....I think I'm in the right place. I have to admit, I do miss my psych patients, but really enjoy the medical patients as well.
I still feel a little homesick and greatly miss the people back in Lincoln. I attended a dinner on Sunday for last year's LSC staff. I miss being able to walk across the street to church and feel at home. I miss going next door and saying goodnight to my roommates. I miss being close to Andrew and my friends and family. However, this is getting better and I feel that this opportunity I have been given (to work where I love and live here in Omaha with Julie) is a gift and I feel very thankful for it.
Take care and have a wonderful rest of your week!

Life as an Adult

2006-01-12T00:13:00.000-05:00

I apologize to my blog-readers as an update on my blog is long overdue.
I began my job on Monday. I really think that I will enjoy pediatric nursing. I'm still a bit nervous about the huge responsibility that nurses have, but this is an aspect of my job that is very positive in my life, I can handle it, and it will allow me a wonderful opportunity to mature. (I will continue to be a smart ass a good portion of the time...no worries :)) Seriously though, this move to Omaha and the start of a new job have been wonderful opportunities to grow and figure out who I am. I have never moved before as moving to college for me consisted of moving 10 minutes away from my parents. I feel like I'm currently making the adjustment that many people make that first year of college. All along, I knew that these changes would be challenging, but I'm easing into this transition the best I can.
Andrew and I are handling the distance quite well. I miss him so much, but we really cherish the time we have together. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little concerned about the impact of 50 miles on our relationship, but at the same time, I think it'll serve as a great test of how important we are to each other.
I have been trying to spend time studying for the NClex which I will take one month from now. I'm feeling better about the test all the time, but it's still quite intimidating.
I have been going through orientation for my job this week. My first real day of work will be one week from today. I will continue with orientation classes until then.
Life can be scary, but oh so exciting. If I stand back and look at all of these changes occuring, I am excited and intreagued. Everything will continue to happen, everything will be okay, and in 5 years, we will know where our lives took us. It's impossible to know now, but it's exciting to think about.
My mom will return home from Florida this weekend. It sounds like my Grandpa has been in good spirits lately which is comforting.
Good luck this semester, everyone! I wish you peace and many blessings this new year.

Being real...

2005-12-24T10:53:00.000-05:00

I need to take a moment and vent. My reason for this posting is NOT for people to feel sorry or have sympathy for me. It's simply a way for me to vent my feelings about what is going on here so I may be better able to cope effectively.
This Christmas has been like no other before it. As many of you know, my Grandpa who had previously been very healthy is now battling pancreatic cancer. In July, his life and our lives changed forever. In nursing school, I had some opportunities to care for people dealing with terminal illness, but it is completely different when it is Grandpa in this situation... the Grandpa who used to call me "Stephonopolis", The Grandpa who drove me to the post office as we discussed all of the important things in life, the Grandpa who always had a way of saying things so that they made sense to me and he always instilled the belief in myself that I was okay. Growing up, I spent many weeks here in Florida with Grandma and Grandpa. They were an amazing support to me and I cannot emphasize enough how much these two precious people have impacted my life.
Now Grandpa is sick. His cancer, the chemo treaments, and the injections to boost his immune system are making him ill. He is tired, feverish, and losing weight. He was in the hospital a couple weeks ago because of a fever, and there was fear of that happening again last night. This is all very difficult to watch, but the emotional suffering he is experiencing due to this illness is the worst part. He is angry and defensive. He is paranoid about germs and getting sick. He never leaves the house and none of us can touch him (no hugs, etc). My family will not go to church for Christmas and I'm debating whether or not I'll go alone as I know it will raise my Grandpa's anxiety levels about germs. Although a lot of his fears seem irrational, I cannot even begin to imagine all of the anxiety and fright associated with battling cancer.
There are moments when I see Grandpa and the way he used to be but then there are moments when he is confused, anxious, and angry and I find myself asking "Who is this man?" This is a scary thought and this is a scary time, but it's good that we are all here together. As difficult as it is to watch someone I love suffer, it is equally important to remember that this is the time when he needs us the most. He needs our love and support now more than ever. It's important to be strong for Grandma too. She is under a lot of pressure and experiencing a lot of stress, she has lost a lot of weight, doesn't sleep well at night, and is very anxious.
I feel that I have coped on this trip by distancing myself to some degree. I'm not sure whether or not this is a healthy approach, but who know's what the right thing is. I spend time sitting and talking with Grandpa, but I also spend time on the computer, reading my book, or crocheting hats. I want things to be the way they used to be. I want my Grandpa to be the person he used to be. My Grandpa no longer drives me to the post office as we have discussions about life, he no longer calls me "Stephonopolis", and our conversations are more sporadic. Although I feel like part of him may be gone, a part of him is not gone. Life's events are changing some aspects of my Grandpa's life, but he is still my Grandpa.
I will be leaving my Grandparent's house to meet the marching band at the Alamo Bowl in a couple days. While I want to stay and help and be with my family, part of me honestly wants to run away and not look back...I want to run away so I can pretend like all of this is not happening...so I can pretend like my Grandpa is not hurting...so I can pretent that he is the same as he was before. This is tough.
There are only a couple presents under the tree this year, and I see this year's holiday as an opportunity to live the true meaning of Christmas. It is a time to practice the importance of love, family, friends, and togetherness. On that note, I wish you all a wonderful Christmas full of many blessings.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.
- I Corinthians, chapter 13

Christmas, 2005

2005-12-23T09:06:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday afternoon, my parents, sister, the dog and I packed up began our journey to Orlando in the family minivan. After all of the build up and lack of sleep with graduation weekend, I hadn't taken a lot of time to think about this trip and my feelings associated with it. I was a bit skeptical about how my family would tolerate the 24-hour ride in the car, and I was also wondering how we would handle the stress of my Grandpa's illness. I am proud of my family as we have been working together to make this Christmas as pleasant and normal as possible for each other and for my Grandparents. Our ride down to Orlando was an adventure filled with lots of laughter and family togetherness. At times when schedules are so busy, I feel distant from my family. This ride and time together were comforting reminders of how close we really are. We took turns driving, and drove through the night. We all stopped at a gas station for snacks at 2:30am, I took my turn driving from ~4:45am-6:30am, my mom and I had a lot of time to chat, and we all laughed A LOT. Also, I didn't realize how tired I was from graduation weekend and all of the related festivities. I think I slept for nearly 17 of the 24 hours we were in the car. I feel so refreshed now!
As we arrived to Grandma and Grandpa's house, I was a bit nervous as I haven't been here since my Grandpa found out he had pancreatic cancer. It seems that he has semi-comfortably settled into the routines associated with his illness. There are many times when he appears to be angry about his situation, and also very concerned and sad. However, there are also moments where I think "There's Grandpa" when he says things that remind me of how things used to be. It has been great to be here and I am optimistic about the remainer of the trip and our impact here.
We are all heading off to the hospital in a few minutes where my Grandpa will get his chemo treatment. This is still strange to think that my Grandpa is sick...the one who has always been so strong for me...the one whose house I would look forward to visiting every year because Grandpa and Grandma showed me unwaivering support, love, and made me realize that I was okay. My parents showed me this as I grew up too, but my Grandparents have had such an impact.
Merry Christmas everybody!

Lucky

2005-12-20T11:05:00.000-05:00

Throughout this whole graduation weekend, I took some time to think about my life and the people in it...
Proclaiming myself as "lucky" is an understatement.
There are several examples to illustrate my point. One involves an evening last week when Julie and I were moving out of our apartment. It was late in the evening when she and I started getting really upset (tears have been frequent this week!). Anyhoo, Sarah and Steph Day decided that we should all pack up and spend the night in Omaha so that no one had to be alone. We all packed up the car and drove to Omaha at 10:30 at night. This gesture demonstrated true, genuine, priceless friendship. I love my three roommates more than they will ever know. They are wonderful people and I am blessed to be able to call them my friends.
I had family come in from California to spend the weekend with us. I'm fortunate to have them and my parents and Emily in my life. My parents keep me grounded and provide guidance while my sister keeps me sane :) Emily has always been there to listen, give a hug, or make me laugh. As we have grown up, our role as sisters has transformed into a friendship that means the world to me.
As I read through cards from friends who attended my party, and reflected on the gathering itself, I am reminded of how precious each person in my life is. I feel that I can be myself, be supported, and have a good time...all at the same time! I pray that I am able to be as strong a friend for the people in my life as they are for me.
I just wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you for all of your support. Life is quite the adventure, and I'm blessed to be on this journey with you.

If life were a musical....today con'd

2005-12-08T23:52:00.000-05:00

How cool would it be if life was a musical? It would be so cool if people randomly began singing in harmony or danced as they walked through life.
I attended the musical Thoroughly Modern Millie at the Lied Center tonight. Before the performance, I attended a wine and cheese-tasting party hosted by the Dean of Admissions at UNL. My mom and a bunch of counselors were invited to this etiquette-driven event. I enjoyed the gathering, but I am always a bit uncomfortable at events where you are constantly worrying about wiping your face after eating or situations where it would be incredibly embarassing to have a big goober on your face or let a fart or something. Anyhoo, we got to the performance and I was feeling very sleeeeeepy. It ends up that my seat was right next to the Dean of Admissions at UNL. The performance was definitely good, but I was so tired....I chewed gum in an attempt to not fall asleep on this head-hancho of the University.
I got a call last night from my best friend from high school (Jessica's) mom. It was a surprise to me last night, but Jess was in town tonight for a med school interview tomorrow. Anyhoo, it turns out that we were both planning on going to the musical, so she and I had a chance to chat during intermission. I find God's little twists in life to be so amazing. I really needed to see her as I am so stressed about the changes in my life that are about to take place. In my opinion, God must have known this and sent her to Nebraksa, and made sure we were going to be in the same place tonight.
Okay, time for bed...Highlights dress rehearsal is at 6:45am. Have a great night!

Can we say EMOTIONAL?!

2005-12-08T17:55:00.000-05:00

Today has been a very emotional day. This was my last day of precepting on the adolescent psychiatric unit at Bryan West. I'm sure going to miss that place. I truely feel that psychiatric nursing is my calling. I absolutely loved going to work every day and felt that I really connected with some of the patients...and hopefully made a difference in their lives. We had 25 clients on the unit today, so needless to say it was a very busy day. My preceptor had to attend CPR class, so I was in charge of our 6 assigned patients for the 3 hours she was gone. It was great to gain some autonomy. I love my job and I will miss the staff there very much.
This morning, I got a call from Children's hospital in Omaha. ( I would LOVE to work there.) I have already given verbal commitment to Bergan Mercy because when I called Children's a few weeks ago, they said they were not hiring....dilemna. I know that the job at Bergan would be great, but I really wanted to give the one at Children's a chance...so I set up an interview for Monday.
I stopped by church on my way home this afternoon, and talked with Barb. She wrote me a very sweet card and it made me cry. The Lutheran Student Center has become a second family as I have attended college here. The experiences and opportunities there have been irreplacable.
Please pardon my loose associations as I vent a little: I have been so emotional today. I started packing last night, and my room is kind of bare. I love living in this apartment with my 3 best friends and I don't want to move ever. I'm comfortable with life now. I'm scared. I love all of my friends here in Lincoln. I hope we all stay in touch.

AHHH and Awww

2005-12-06T00:51:00.000-05:00

AHHH for moving day being in less than a week, I have not started packing, Band Highlights concert is this weekend and I need to practice, I'm tired, I'm stressed, I will be moving and starting a job

Awww for a dozen red roses from my sweetie and for friends and roommates who I wouldn't trade for the entire world.

Life...what an interesting thing!

2005-11-30T23:11:00.000-05:00

I must say that life continues to fascinate me and intreague me. Here's an update on life currently...
I will be moving to Omaha in less than 2 weeks. This thought alone is enough to make me want to scream....half-way from excitment and the other half from being very scared. I have never moved before, and I'm nervous. However, I recognize that this is a time in my life when many transitions will take place. I also realize that everyone must make this transition at some point, and I'm ready. So, adulthood....HERE I COME! Don't worry though, I will still take PLENTY of time to be silly. :)
On that same line of thought, I have been offered an Orthopedic Registered Nurse position at Bergan Mercy in Omaha. I'm not sure whether or not I'm going to accept it yet. It seems like it would be a good fit, and I am very tempted to accept. However, I want to explore my options and carry out the rest of my interviews before I decide for sure. I still want to ultimately be a psychiatric nurse practitioner, but I think I could benefit from some med/surg experience before pursuing my ultimate goal. I still love psych nursing and that's where I think I'm meant to be.
As I was sending out graduation announcements and invitations, I became increasingly anxious and a bit emotional as well. That same day, my Dad and I made a slideshow of recent pictures of friends, family, etc that I will show the weekend of graduation. As I was watching the finished product, I felt very emotional. It's tough, but I realize that distance has the ability to make relationships stronger and I am hopeful that this will be the case in my life.
I talked with my Grandparents on the phone a couple weeks ago, and things are going all right. They had to delay some of my Grandpa's chemo due to low WBC counts, so that's not a good thing. He seemed to be in fairly good spirits though. I am looking forward to visiting there in December.
Andrew and I are doing well. Our relationship is very comfortable. He is a wonderful support especially during these stressful times. We have a lot of fun together and everything is great.
I had 4 different conversations with people last night about a wide variety of issues. I enjoy helping people find answers to their problems. One of the conversations got me a bit worked up and frustrated, but it's part of a growing experience I suppose. I just find it frustrating when I don't see eye-to-eye with some people...or when I feel that others aren't considerate of people's feelings. Anyhoo, it's something to work through.
I wish you all good luck as this semester comes to an end. Please keep in touch and hopefully I'll see you graduation weekend! :)
Peace out!

Blog Blog Blog oh Blog

2005-11-20T23:24:00.000-05:00

Time for a quick update on life since the last blog.
-I am really enjoying my preceptorship on the Adolescent psych unit. I enjoy the unique challenge of working with youth dealing with mental illness. Each day has its own challenges and learning experiences. I'm getting used to the 12 hour shifts. I think I'll enjoy working them after graduation.
-I need to take more time and apply for jobs. I am starting to feel a little nervous about this. I have applied for 2 jobs, and had a casual mention from a nurse manager about potential job openings. However, I want options and I need to get on that. It's a scary step, but it's time to stop procrastinating, step up, and do this.
-Only 21 days until moving day. Julie and I signed our lease in Omaha. I'm excited to move and scared too. It'll be a change indeed, but I'm confident that it'll be a positive one.
-I have a cold. I was pretty miserable for a couple days, but it's getting a lot better. I must say that of all the colds I've had growing up, I cannot remember one that has produced as much mucus as this one....good grief!
-Life on the relationship front is good. Andrew and I are taking it easy and enjoy the time we spend together. My heart is still in the healing process, and we are both aware of this. However, I am ready to move on and I'm excited to see what will happen with this relationship.
-A quote from the song Erin and I will perform at our recital. (Stay tuned for details of our super-cool-very short b/c it's only 1 song-very neat-awesome concert.) ==> "Listen to your heart. There's nothing else you can do. I don't know where you're going and I don't know why, but listen to your heart..."
-Em will be home soon! I'm soooo excited to see her! :-D

Band, etc...

2005-11-12T00:27:00.000-05:00

I just attended the final pep bands for my career in the Cornhusker Marching Band. I know that this was the case for several people in attendance this evening, but I wonder how its impact compared with the effect it had on me. I should be sleeping right now since practice is at 7:30am, but I can't shake the adrenaline rush I have gotten after every single evening of pep bands since my freshman year here. There's nothing like meeting with 50 of your friends, listening to great music, dancing around, relaxing, and just being silly.
Tomorrow is senior day and the final time I will march Pregame and halftime with the band. I have wanted to be on the UNL Flagline since 7th grade. My Dad is a band director, and music was a big part of my life growing up. We regularly attended the exhibition performances, and during one of these performances, I decided I wanted to be a member of the UNL Flagline. As a little 7th grader, I was far from the time when this goal could be accomplished, but that didn't stop me from getting started. After about a year of contemplating my goal, I began taking Flag lessons. At that time, I also began to pay closer attention to the Flagline whenever we'd watch them perform. I began to think about trying out for my high school flagline, and I actually selected my high school based on the fact that I auditioned and earned a place in the Flagline. I know this is all nerdy and such, and I thrive in being a "band nerd," but this stuff is my life. All my friends are in band and the music and performing is good for my soul.
On other aspects of life....I had 10 weeks of being single (2 of which were completely single without any complications). Anyhoo, I was made aware that someone had a crush on me, and I thought he was gorgeous and smart and sweet, so we are trying out the dating thing. I'll keep you posted....
Take care and Happy November!

Leaves

2005-11-02T17:53:00.000-05:00

On our way back from dinner tonight, Sarah Steph and I played in the leaves for a while. How fun!
Oh and I also want to say that John Ross is one of the most genuinely nice people I know. We discussed this on our way back from dinner. It's rare that you encounter someone who is so nice, nonjudgmental, and fun at the same time. You're awesome, John!

Here are my roommies and I dressed as each other!

2005-11-02T11:33:00.000-05:00

Copy of 100_4138[1]
Originally uploaded by huskerphan2.

Torn

2005-10-26T20:46:00.000-04:00

I feel tonight that several areas of my life that I am currently very comfortable with are being torn from me. The first of these is my relationship with Scott. Granted, we have spent the better part of the past 10 weeks breaking up, I'm still in love with him and I wish we could work it out. We talked tonight and decided to end it for good. This hurts a lot and is one of the reasons I feel torn. Another thing stripped from my comfort is the fact that in the matter of a few weeks, I will be graduated and moving to Omaha. This is exciting, but very scary. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this big step in life, but here it comes! The third part of this feeling tonight deals with my Grandpa. His illness has made me upset past the point I can explain. The hurt and sorrow I feel regarding his situation is something I cannot put into words. I feel like I constantly suppress this because I feel like I'm not strong enough to deal with it. However, earlier this evening, I was talking to a friend who asked me to talk about my Grandpa. This helped more than he will ever know. I feel like I don't spend enough time thinking about my Grandpa because it hurts so much.
Each of these three things are weighing heavy on my mind. I have been trying to sleep and study for finals, but have not been very successful on either. I went to church tonight. There are services every Wednesday night, but I hadn't been to one this year yet. It's interesting because I randomly decided to go, and I felt like they were talking directly to me. The message involved taking everything that is weighing heavy on my mind and giving it up to God to take care of. We each made a list of things that are causing stress and anxiety in our lives. We took our lists and threw them in a trash can at the foot of a cross on the alter. This was refreshing to me as I realized that even though a lot is going on, God will take care of it. God never gives us more than we can handle.
Time to try and sleep. I hope everyone has a good Thursday.

Sh# that IS cool vs Sh# that "AINT" cool

2005-10-24T14:51:00.000-04:00

This post is in reference to the wonderful trip I took to Norman, Oklahoma this weekend to see my sister. It was wonderful to spend time with her and this trip made me realize just how much I miss seeing her regularly. There will definitely have to be many more trips planned down to Norman in the near future. The title of this post is dedicated to one of Emily's friends we hung out with on Friday night who continually pointed out sh*# that was cool and sh*# that wasn't cool. He was a little "not sober" when he was labeling all of these things. What a funny guy! Okay, so referring to the trip......

Sh*# that AINT cool
-Em's car getting a flat tire the first night we were there
-Whatever was making Randy say "That shi*# aint cool" so much
-Watching The Shining and Em's friend, Aaron walking in the room and scaring the crap out of me.

Sh*# that IS cool
-Making only TWO stops on the way down there! (anyone who knows either Scott or me and our tendency to pee often from our abnormally small bladders)
-Em (being the DD had never driven a diesel stick shift before) driving a carfull of intoxicated people back to Norman from Oklahoma City
-Salsa dancing Friday night in Oklahoma City
-Meeting and hanging out with Em's friends....very cool people!
-This exchange:
Randy: "That sh*# aint cool. That shi*# just aint cool."
Scott: "Hey, Randy...is that sh*# cool?"
Randy: "Nah man, that sh*# just aint cool."
-Having lunch with Scott's Grandparents
-Walking around campus and seeing Em's office, where she works, and where she goes to school
-The rolling/flying stuffed duck
-Beautiful weather on Saturday
-Going to the top of a random dorm building for an awesome view of the stadium
-Yummy places to eat
-Dancing with Em in her living room
-DDR
-Falling asleep while watching a movie at 9PM on Saturday night
-Not doing any homework
-Noodles the cat!
-The awesome CD Em made for me
-Getting away from the craziness of life in Nebraska
-Spending a priceless weekend with my sister
-This exchange at a gas station on our way home:
(Scott purchased a diet Coke and handed over his ATM card)
Cashier: "Could I please see some ID with that?"
Me: (as Scott handed over his ID, I stated in exaggerated tone...totally meaning to just be silly) "Is there alcohol laced in that pop or something?"
Cashier: "No, it's a new card and I don't feel like getting in trouble today."
Me: "Oh, I'm just kidding. Sorry."
(long loooong awkward silence)
(then finally as we walked out, the cashier smiled)
Cashier: "Now be careful of that alcohol in that pop."
(I felt bad at first because I thought I had offended her, but this was awesome...she totally out-smart-assed me, and that was very cool)

I hope I have made it clear that this trip was just what I needed. I miss Em so much and had a wonderful time with her. Thanks, Em!

$40.18

2005-10-20T19:16:00.000-04:00

Sarah and I just counted the change I have been collecting for a while, and the grand total is $40.18! We have decided to continue the collection until this spring when we will travel to Canada. Yes, Canada. Why?, you ask...there doesn't have to be a reason when it comes to mine and Sarah's road trips. They are all fun no matter where we end up. :)
Tomorrow morning I'm helping with a Level 2 clinical. I'm really looking forward to seeing if teaching is something I may want to pursue in graduate school...we shall see.
Only ONE MORE DAY until Oklahoma! I'm so excited to see Em! It'll be nice to have a few days away from the craziness of nursing school/band/work also. Have a great Thursday, everybody!

My 3 Little Princesses

2005-10-16T12:33:00.000-04:00

I was fortunate to have some time to spend with my 3 little cousins last night. It is so refreshing to spend time with them. At one point, the 3 year-old showed me a spot on her lower leg and claimed..."Look! I got a spakeeto bite." The 6 year-old piped in with "It's mosquito." We went on a walk after that. I was carrying the 5 month year-old, and the 3 y/o was pushing the empty stroller when the 6 y/o claimed "I don't have a job...I need something to do!" I told her to be our tour guide for the walk. As she threw her hands up in the air, she quickly responded with "There are HOUSES, there are TREES....THAT'S IT!" It was so funny. With everything that has been going on, it was very nice to spend an evening with 3 of my favorite people in the entire world.
Amanda and I went out to lunch, and then shopping this afternoon. It was wayyy more fun than doing homework. It was fun to shop and plan our costumes for Halloween...you'll have to come to Gma's to see what we'll be! :-D

Christmas in October + update on life.

2005-10-13T07:41:00.000-04:00

It has been a while since my last blog entry. I'd like to begin this entry by emphasizing how much I love Christmas music. I have been listening to it as I study for the past 2 days, and it has been nice.
There are 2 weeks left of classes in my semester. It's crazy to believe that it's time to start studying for finals! However, it's so exciting to be this close to getting my degree. I went to Bryan/LGH West today and spent some time on the adolescent psych unit (where I will be doing my preceptorship.) I spoke with the nurse I will be working with for the last 5 weeks of my semester. I'm really excited to work there and learn everything I can about psych nursing. I love the pace of the unit there...they were maxed out at 24 adolescents in the unit today! I would explain it as being "chaotically under control." There seems to be several things happening at once, but it all works like some big machine (minus a few unexpected behavioral outbursts here and there.) People and the way they think is so interesting.
Here's a brief update on what's to come in the next couple weeks:
Critical Care test tomorrow, Eric's bday party on Friday, babysit my cousins on Saturday, writing papers and working on Sunday, GOING TO CLASS/CLINICAL while the rest of my peers are enjoying their fall break, this next weekend I will go to Oklahoma so I can visit my sister and Scott can visit his Grandparents. I'm excited to get away for a weekend. After I return from that trip, I will be doing some hard-core studying for finals which I take on Halloween and the day after that.
Any ideas of a good Halloween costume for the celebration at Gma's?
I hope everyone's week is going well. Don't forget to take a deep breath once in a while and enjoy the sunshine! :)

Why I want to be a nurse

2005-10-04T15:13:00.000-04:00

1. I get to help people through a time in their lives when they need someone the most.
2. moments like today when my patient reached for my hand...just to hold
3. having the ability and opportunity to make people feel better (be it physically or emotionally)
4. It challenges my brain and forces me to think critically all of the time while expanding my knowledge of the medical profession
5. I am constantly running around and multitasking.
6. The body is an amazing and fascinating machine that deserves utmost respect
7. The mind is an amazing and fascinating machine that deserves utmost respect
8. I love working with all different kinds of people
9. catching the family member of a patient off-guard by asking questions about them/how they are doing/etc....allowing them to briefly escape their situation and think about themselves
10. I get to use my sense of humor to make people smile
11. In many ways, the job allows my maternal instincts to shine. I get to care for people every day.
12. Each day is different and unique.

Survey

2005-09-29T09:42:00.000-04:00

I read this on Erin's blog who got it from Amanda. I really like reading these things about other people, so I thought I'd continue the trend and fill one out. I encourage you to copy it and change the answers and post it because it's fun! yay!
Okay, here it goes...
1. What is your current occupation? student (soon to be registered nurse)
2. What color is your underwear? grey right now, but I have a wide variety
3.What are you listening to right now? "Remember Me" by Mark Schultz
4. What was the last thing you ate? WOW BBQ chips...yeah, the ones with no fat and lots of olestra...yum!
5. Do you wish on stars? of course
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? hot pink!
7. How is the weather right now? chilly
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Scott
9. What do you do in your spare time? what spare time? :) I love spending time with my friends and family. Karaoke is lots of fun too!
10. Favorite drink non alcoholic? Diet Pepsi
11. Favorite sport to watch? none...I'll go with Erin and say the halftime performance by the MARCHING BAND!
13. Do you wear contacts or glasses? reading glasses
14. Pets? I want a puppy next year....what do you think, Julie? PLEASE?! :)
15. Favorite month? December and February
16. Who is your favorite singr? Rascal Flatts
17. What was the last movie you watched? Back to the Future
18.Favorite day of the year? My birthday
19. What do you do to vent anger? yell or cry
20. What was your favorite toy as a child? My 13 Cabbage Patch dolls
21. Hugs or Kisses? depends on my mood
22. Cherry or blueberry?cherry! (with ice cream underneath of course!)
23. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? n/a
24. Living Arrangements? apartment with 3 of my best friends
25. When was the last time you cried? Saturday night
26. What is on the floor of your closet? where to begin....a guitar, my TV, plus much much more!
27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that this e-mail is going out to? Em is the person who has known me the longest (22 years to be exact)--also my roommates have known me for quite a while
28. What did you do last night? homework, went to work, and went to Walmart
29. What inspires you? music! also, the people in my life and God
30. Favorite smell? me after a shower! oh and this cologne that says it smells like a "sexy modern cowboy"--it's pretty great
31. Plain, cheese, or spicy burgers? none of the above
32. Favorite car? my saturn is just fine with me
33. Favorite dog-breed? how about a toy poodle? please, Julie?!
34. Number of keys on your key ring? 6
35. How many years at your current job? this is my first year as an Outreach Director, but I have been a babysitter/nanny for about 6 years
36. Favorite day of the week?depends on the week...when I get to sleep in!
37. How many states have you lived in? 1
38. How many cities have you lived in? 1 (soon to be 2)

Times that make you go awww

2005-09-28T07:31:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had one of those moments that caused you to stop and feel happy? It's like a warm feeling inside you only get in those unexpected moments from someone you totally wouldn't expect it from. Today after band, I was chatting with one of the freshmen on the squad. After a short conversation, she said "I wish you were my big sister. Not like the flag big sister (it's where we buy presents for each other for football games and performances), but like in real life." She proceeded to tell me how she is the oldest of 4, and has never really had a figure to fill this role of an older sibling. Our whole exchange caught me off guard. I never realized the extent of meaning our short talks had. I really enjoy talking with her, and this unexpected surprise made my day. I don't know if she'll ever know how much this conversation meant to me. Anyhoo, to conclude the story, I assured her that from this moment on, I would be her big sister.

Proper use of a Blog

2005-09-24T19:30:00.000-04:00

This post is meant to be a generic reminder of what is appropriate in a blog. I recently read a blog entry about me from someone I consider one of my best friends. The posting was negative and I would even go so far as to say untrue. This hurts worse than anything I have felt in a while. Just a reminder that someone is on the other end of the blog. Time to go mend a heart that has now been broken even further...

Washing a multicolored pen with my light clothes...awesome.

2005-09-21T05:31:00.000-04:00

This post is dedicated to yesterday's series of events that had to make me laugh. I had my 12-hour clinical yesterday. I had a few spots of human excrement on my scrubs (this is not uncommon...doesn't really phase me.) Anyhoo, I wanted to wash them right away, so right when I got home last night, I gathered up all of my light and white clothes. When I went to take them out of the washer, I noticed that several of the pieces of clothing were way more colorful than when I put them in the washer. I found the culprit....I washed a MULTICOLORED PEN with my clothes! I'm telling you, these clothes, towels, underwear, etc are sooo colorful now! What a mess! It made me laugh though.
After all that mess last night, Hopp and Andrew came over to play pitch....I love pitch! After a game and a half of pitch, I was on my way to bed when I was pleasantly surprised by a visit from Amanda. I love it when friends visit....it made me happy :-D
Good luck with the rest of your week everybody, and remember the moral of my story.....When you want your clothes to look like they did when you put them in the washer, don't put a multicolored pen in with them! That's all for now. Chao! :)

I'm stepping off the emotional roller coaster.

2005-09-16T20:52:00.000-04:00

After 4 weeks of Scott and I discussing our relationship and going back and forth in our thoughts of what we should do, I have decided that I'm done. A month is a long time to make each other miserable. We had moments of happiness when I felt that maybe we had a chance of getting back together. However, these moments were clouded by the enormous amounts of stress we had towards the end of our dating relationship. Scott was the first person I fell in love with. I experienced love and all the wonderful aspects of a great relationship. This hurts a lot. I truely wish he and I could be happy and have the kind of relationship we had starting last March. However, as these quotes emphasize, some things are not meant to be at this time. Time will tell what happens between us...until then, I'm left with a broken heart.

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together." ~Author Unknown

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey." ~Kenji Miyazawa

"Here is where the road divides
Here is where we realize
The sculpting of the Father's great design
Thru' time you've been a friend to me
But time is now the enemy
I wish we didn't have to say goodbye
But I know the road He chose for me
Is not the road he chose for you
So as we chase the dreams we're after
Pray for me and I'll pray for you
Pray that we will keep the common ground
Won't you pray for me and I'll pray for you
And one day love will bring us back around again" -Michael W. Smith

Thanks for all you are, Scott. I wish things would have happened differently. I love you and will be here for you always.
~Stephanie

Hello from the Land of CHAOS!

2005-09-11T13:29:00.000-04:00

I figured it was time to update my post, so for anyone who may venture to read my blog, here goes nothin' (rather, here goes somethin'...anyway...yeah...:))
I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed both physically and emotionally. I think I have "too much on my plate", so this week's goal is to manage that and bring my activities down to a level where I have time for myself. This past week has been pretty tough working through my emotions about Scott and my breakup as well as things going on with my Grandpa in Florida. Things aren't going so well with my Grandpa, and I'm having a hard time staying in Nebraska. My instincts make me want to get on a plane and go, but I know that's not practical. I need to stay here and finish school. I will go down there in December. Until then, letters and phone calls will have to do. Scott and I are in the midst of a time when we are figuring things out. I feel like as much as we wanted things to work out, they just couldn't. I have questioned why this happened and have reflected on what this means. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I have a very close friend now....that's good, right?
I want to end this posting with a short note about one of my favorite things in the whole wide world....BAND. There is no other thing in life (except when I have children someday) that I would get up for at 6am every morning and still be happy about. The game yesterday was a wonderful reminder of how much I love band. I can't even put into words how exciting it is to perform at Memorial Stadium. Not only do I enjoy these performances, but the people in band are wonderful. Going to pep bands each weekend is so great. Every time I get up early for practice, go to an evening rehearsal, or put on my uniform on a game day, I am reminded of how lucky I am to be a member of what is in my opinion, one of the neatest organizations on campus.

Times that make you think

2005-09-07T16:23:00.000-04:00

The past 3 days have been pretty tough. Let me preface my venting by saying that I am happy with my life, and I don't like to dwell on negative things. I like to talk/write about what is bothering me and move on, so here I go...
Scott and I broke up on Sunday. Tough times, but it just wasn't meant to be...at this point in time at least. Thank you to all who have listened to me throughout the past 3 weeks as our relationship has been falling apart...you helped so much. Sunday night, a friend of mine was intoxicated to the point that I was very scared. She had trouble breathing and several times, I thought about calling 911. I was up all night listening for her and waking her up to make sure she was safe.
I spent Monday being sad. I hate being sad and I'm optimistic that this phase of the breakup will not last long. I went to clinical Monday night and met the patient that I took care of today. I realized he was very ill, but didn't realize the extent of his illness until I went to clinical today. In my opinion, it's a bad clinical day when I can't make my patient better. There was nothing that medicine could do to improve his health. This was a very sad day for his family and for him as they learned about the seriousness of his many conditions. It was strange how much he reminded me of my Grandpa. He's about the same age as my Grandpa and he received similar news from his doctors. It was sad and strange how it seemed that I was given the opportunity to indirectly help my Grandpa (or at least someone in a similar situation). I am certain that things happen for a reason.
I'm off to play some raquetball and relax after the hard days. Life will get better, and like I said...venting is beneficial in the moving on process, so thanks for listening. Have a great Wednesday.

Here we are

2005-09-01T08:16:00.000-04:00

Week 2 of school is almost over....good grief, where has the time gone?! I am enjoying the challenges of balancing flagline, classes, clinicals, and outreach directing at church. I love my job, so any time spent working there is definitely worth while. I love band....this morning at 6am, I was contemplating how I must really be passionate about something to get up at 6am every morning and be happy about it. Sleep is overrated, right?! Relationship status---we're figuring it out. I need to know what I want right now. He and I have been good friends for several years. No matter what happens between us, at least we have that. I feel that I am growing a lot this semester as I prepare to venture out into the "real world."
I hope everyone had a wonderful second week of classes! Take care!

Take a deep breath.

2005-08-21T09:28:00.000-04:00

School begins tomorrow. Although I'm excited for the challenges that await me, I am a little stressed about them as well. I have a lot on my plate this semester. I am in marching band, I will have many hours of clinicals and classes, I am an outreach director at my church, and I will spend a significant amount of time applying and interviewing for nursing positions. My Grandpa's health weighs heavy on my mind as well. I will visit again in December, and may take some time off after graduation to spend with him. It's hard being far away, but letters and phone calls have helped to make this gap more bearable.
Scott and I recently had what I consider to be a test of our relationship. We had a night a couple weeks ago that ended on more of a negative note than a positive one. This experience has demonstrated to me how much he means to me and how much I care about him. I pray for our relationship to take the path that God has intended it to take, of course hoping it means we will be together. Although I feel like a part of our relationship briefly left that night, I have faith that it will come back and we will be okay. The power of love is pretty amazing.
Good luck as you begin this new school year. I wish you all good times, good friends, and good studies. Don't forget to take some time to be silly!

Today

2005-08-17T21:18:00.000-04:00

Today was a big day. We are in the midst of band camp with the schedule running from 8:30am-10pm. It has been very crazy, but I sure love band. It's very much worth every ounce of tiredness and hard work.
I talked to my Mom today and found out the results of my Grandpa's visit with the Oncologist. The news isn't good, but staying optimistic is important. The focuses in his care include prolonging life and making him comfortable. I haven't yet taken time to think, process, and emotionally deal with this new developement, but I'm just not ready yet. I'm not ready to face the fact that he is this sick...I just can't do it.
My friend had her baby this afternoon. I went to the hospital to hold him during my dinner break. What a perfect baby and what a wonderful opportunity to meet him on his first day of life. I hope to be an active part as he grows up.
Tonight after practice, I attended a band party where I saw many people I hadn't seen in a long time. It's so comforting to see friends from the past.
Okay time for bed. I wish you all peace in your final week before classes begin.

BRING IT, final semester!

2005-08-09T10:01:00.000-04:00

I'm ready for school to start. I had my first meeting last night for my job as outreach director at church. I'm very excited to serve in this position. I start band camp on Friday...sooo exciting! I love band. As classes begin soon, I know this will be a very busy and chaotic semester. I am excited by chaos though and I'm ready for the challenge. The light at the end of the tunnel (graduation!) is growing and there are many exciting things happening this semester. Besides school, work, and band, I will be applying for RN jobs in Omaha, and moving into an apartment.
Em moves to Oklahoma tomorrow. I'm sad to be far away from her, but I'm so proud that she's pursuing her goals and conquering grad school. Scott and I are going to take a weekend trip down to Norman, Oklahoma this fall.
I wish I could still be in Florida near my Grandparents as all of these exciting things are happening this fall. However, I will go there for Christmas this year...I'm sure it will be here before we know it.
Good luck with school, everyone! I'll see you in the mass chaos! :)

What it all means...

2005-08-02T14:11:00.000-04:00

This weekend has been a great reminder of what is really important in life and what it all really means. Although I am far from having all the answers to life, I have learned a lot this weekend. I am sitting here right now as my Grandpa is taking a short nap before dinner. He and I have had some wonderful conversations this weekend and shared some moments that taught me and reminded me of what is important in life. When faced with a life-threatening illness, one is forced to put prioritize life in a way that ranks things from most important to least important. For instance, right now the only things mattering to my family are each other, friends, and God. As I come back to Nebraska tomorrow, I will carry that with me. It will be hard to leave tomorrow...I have tried to be my Grandpa's assistant and provide encouragement around here. He has given me some random pieces of advice this week like he does when we're together. One examples is to never begin a sentence with "You're not" when addressing someone. It belittles people and makes them feel small. He said to address people with optimism and confidence. I said, "Grandpa, that makes a lot of sense...I will sure remember that."
Thanks for all you've taught me, Grandpa. I know you will fight this with utmost courage.

In Florida

2005-07-31T11:32:00.000-04:00

I'm in Florida. It's good to be with my Grandma, Grandpa and Aunt. Take care.

On my way to Florida...

2005-07-25T14:35:00.000-04:00

I'm taking off for Florida this Saturday. I talked to my Grandma yesterday and I'm so ready to be there. I want to see them and be closer so I can help. This is a scary time, and in my opinion, these times provide opportunities for families to stand tall together and support each other. I'm ready to do this. I will be in Florida from Saturday until Wednesday.
There is lots to get done before leaving on Saturday...1.Register for STOP class (yeah, I got a speeding ticket), 2.Get 10 inches of my hair cut off tomorrow...ahhh! 3.Laundry 4.Girlie night on Wednesday 5.Get new license plates 6.Nanny and babysit through Friday evening 7.Visit my friend who is 8 1/2 months pregnant...she may be a mommy before I get back!
My parents get back to Nebraska the day after I leave. I was thinking a while ago, and I don't think I have ever gone this long without seeing my parents. It has been about a month since I last saw them. I'm surprised at how homesick I feel. I talked to Emily today, and she will be back in Nebraska the day I get back. I think we're going to have a day of "familyness" after we all get back. I need that.
I hope you all have a great rest of the week. Take care and I wish you peace in these last few weeks of summer.

Today

2005-07-20T18:51:00.000-04:00

I was backed into as I was pulling into the parking garage tonight. I learned a lot while at the police station.
I'll probably be going to Florida in the next couple weeks. I need to see my Grandpa before school starts. He will be starting some heavy-duty chemotherapy and radiation. My mom will stay down there for several months. This is scary stuff. Prayers are greatly appreciated. Have a good Thursday.

Growing up

2005-07-17T20:33:00.000-04:00

I feel like I have been maturing quite a bit this summer. Granted, I will never be the kind of person whose picture is in the dictionary next to the word "mature", but I think I have made lots of progress. As I reflect on things that have happened this summer and my thought processes, I notice many things that indicate an increased level of maturity. Several things have contributed to this...
I am looking forward to and have begun planning for graduation and life in the real world. Julie and I decided on a place to live, and I am getting things in line here so I am ready to move at the beginning of December. I realize this next semester will be very crazy with graduation, marching band, and working as an outreach director. However, I am definitely up for the challenge. I have formed some goals for after graduation as well. I would like to attend grad school and have the ultimate goal of becoming a nurse practitioner. Goals have always helped to motivate me.
I have found my relationship with Scott to provide a means of personal growth. Being that the relationship just seemed to happen with no real planning on either part, it has been a relatively stress-free way to grow up. I feel we have the capacity to do a lot of growing up together. I also think that this relationship has tested and helped me learn about my relationships with my friends. I have strived for a balance between a significant other and my best friends. Both mean the world to me, and I want them to know this.
I have been helping my parents while they are helping my Grandpa after his surgery. His need for surgery was completely unplanned, and my family has pulled together to help each other in any way possible.
Being a nanny has helped me mature a great deal. Every day, I get up early and spend a whole day with my three kids. I take them to swim lessons, the library, lead craft activities, etc. All of these activities make me feel like a mother (especially when I'm driving their minivan around.) The responsibility that this job brings has been really nice.
There are many ways I feel I have grown this summer and over the past year. I know maturity is a constantly-changing phenomenon, but I'm ready and willing to face it head-on!
(Even though I feel I have matured a lot, don't worry...I will still eat frozen peas, big pickles, lack cooking skills, and have times where I just want to be silly.)

A nice phone call and childhood memories relived.

2005-07-16T09:50:00.000-04:00

I talked to my Grandpa on the phone today. It was great to hear his voice and talk to him. His recovery is going very smoothly. We are awaiting the pathology report still, but as my Grandpa put it, "We're taking each piece as it comes and dealing with it. That's all we can do." I found that to make a lot of sense.
A couple girls I babysit came over last night and spent the night with me. I hadn't had a slumber party in years. We had a lot of fun! We made dinner, went to the park, watched a movie and painted our fingernails. We stayed up until midnight and were up at 7am. I remember the days of having that much energy... This morning, we went to church and then out to lunch. I had a great time. It reminded me of all those sleepovers I had when I was younger. The only thing that changed was I was more a chaperone now as opposed to a participant...oh the joys of getting older.
Speaking of getting older...Last week while apartment shopping, I was asked if I was in high school. This didn't surprise me all that much being that I am frequently mistaken for being younger than my age, but then a few days later, I took the kids I nanny to the pool and someone there referred to one of the kids as "my daughter." She thought I was old enough to have a 9 year old, a 7 year old and a 4 year old. For all of you who don't want to do the math, that would mean I would have birthed children when I was 13 years old, 15, and 18. Good grief... It's just funny that I was mistaken for being way younger than I really am and older than I really am all within one week.
Have a good Sunday! Pinewood bowl is on the agenda for this evening. I'm excited to see it!

Updates

2005-07-14T11:29:00.000-04:00

I have been talking to my Mom and Dad a couple times each day, and here is the update: The doctor and my parents worded my Grandpa's condition as "good news/bad news." The good news is that his recovery from surgery has gone very well. The bad news is that they found more cancer than they had anticipated. I know my Grandpa is a fighter though and I'm feeling more optimistic than I was two days ago. We will take one day at a time. It is still so hard to be far away. I feel helpless...I want to help, but there's not much I feel I can do from this far away.
I babysat yesterday and then hung out with my roommates and Scott last night. Today, I woke up and ran some errands. I checked out the new/temporary nursing college. It's a little distance from campus, but a very nice facility. I practiced guitar last night. I think I have 5 main chords down. I love the sound of the guitar and can't wait until I can play songs and sing along. Tonight, I will spend the evening with my 3 cousins. I love those girls...can't wait to live closer to them.
Tomorrow, 2 girls I babysit are coming over to my apartment for the evening and will stay with me through Sunday. They are like little sisters to me, and I'm excited to see them!
I'll keep you posted on things. I am feeling more optimistic although there is quite the road ahead. I know the power of prayer and of a strong spirit. Thank you everyone for your kind words and support...it helps so much.

I'm not sure what to say...

2005-07-13T04:03:00.000-04:00

I got a call from my mom tonight. My Grandpa came through his ~4 hour surgery and they discovered that the cancer was in more of his pancreas than they had anticipated. As the doctor put it, this was "not the kind of cancer they were hoping for." What the heck are we supposed to do with that? I hate that this is happening to him and I hate that I'm so far away. I won't make the trip down to Florida now since my parents advise waiting a while, but in the next couple days I'll make the decision of whether or not to go. They want to see how his first couple days out of surgery go before I make that decision. The good news is he came through the surgery and is resting comfortably on medication. The bad news is they found more cancer than they anticipated and we are awaiting a pathology report that determines whether or not the caner has spread any further. My mom said "You should have seen how much Grandpa talked about you this morning as he was waiting to go back to surgery. As he talked, he was so proud." This rips at my heart. Why do things like this happen to people like my Grandpa--people who would give his right leg to someone in need--people who always know the right things to say to make an awkward teenager turned into a 22 year-old college student feel all right about life. There is so much to my Grandpa that people just don't know because he doesn't talk about how great he is.
Speaking of great people---as I walked out of my room tonight teary-eyed, it was like my 3 roommates were ready. I walked right into a big group hug that lasted as long as I needed it to. I am so blessed to know these wonderful people and be able to call them my friends.
Please keep my Grandpa in your prayers. The next few days will tell us a lot. Until then, we have patience and prayers.

I'm tired but still kickin'

2005-07-11T11:22:00.000-04:00

I'm tired today. It has been a great weekend, but I have worked all week and this weekend also (no days off this week!) Also, the apartment shopping yesterday drained me. It was really exciting though.
I woke up early this morning to see Scott's family off at their house. We had breakfast there together. I feel so at home with his family...it has been nice to have them close especially when my parents are in Florida under the circumstances they are there for. I talked to my Dad today...we're in the "waiting" stage of this process. My Grandpa goes into surgery on Tuesday, so until then, we wait. I'm not a good "waiter" and again it's hard to be so far away.
This week I shall be productive. I cleaned my room this past week, so I will keep that up. I cleaned in the living room this afternoon. It feels good to get some of that stuff finished. I went to church this morning, then to the BBQ there. It was fun to see people and hang out and laugh for a while this afternoon.
Have a great start to the week!

A chance to clear my mind.

2005-07-10T19:50:00.000-04:00

The events of today have been a perfect way to clear my head of the worries I have been having lately. My Grandpa is scheduled for surgery on Tuesday. The doctors are still unsure of what the "shadow" on his pancreas is. I'm scared and wish there was more I could do to help. It's hard being so far away.
Last night, a group of us went to dinner at Spaghetti Works, then out for ice cream, and then to The Lofte to see Amanda and Greg perform in the musical Damn Yankees. I really enjoyed the show and commend them on a spectacular performance. It was fun to hang out with my roomies, Ryan, Scott and John too! I came home wondering what John went home thinking about my roommies and I (as we can get pretty crazy when we're all together...imagine that! :)) I was relieved to see that he had a good time...we sure enjoyed having him along! Last night after getting back into Lincoln, Scott and I launched into one of our deep conversations. We both really like words and conversation, but this conversation seemed different. I was feeling confused about what I want in a relationship in this stage of my life. I think and analyze a lot...last night, several issues came up between us. I went to bed after that conversation last night feeling very uneasy.
Today was a great chance to clear my head. Julie and I visited 11 different apartments in Omaha. We had breakfast together here at the apartment and chatted this morning. I don't know how she does it, but she has always had a way of saying things in a way I understand and in a way that conveys her honest and caring personality. After apartment shopping, I spent the evening with my 3 little cousins. It helped me feel at ease as I spent time with 3 of my favorite people.
I have come to several conclusions regarding my relationship and with life in general. I seem to go in a cycle of pondering things, coming to conclusions, then finding other things to think about. I am fascinated by life and intreagued with what happens in it. I am worried about my Grandpa but pray that things will work out and he will have the strength to pull through.

Whew! Busy 4th of July.

2005-07-04T21:09:00.000-04:00

Today was a very busy day. Here is why I am sleeeepy right now:
-Drove out to the farm and rode the 4-wheeler and shot a gun for the first time
-Came back to the apartment to get our swimsuits
-Went swimming with Scott's family and had lunch with them
-Came back to the apartment and played a couple games of Sequence with Steph and Ryan and I scrapbooked a little
-Drove out to Seward for 4th of July festivities (listened to a band, walked around, watched fireworks and lit some of our own)
-Came back to Scott and Jason's house and lit off some more fireworks.

It was a good day and it's time for bed now. I heard from my parents today also...they have arrived safely to my Grandparent's house.

I hope everyone had a good 4th of July. Goodnight.

4th of July Eve

2005-07-03T21:13:00.000-04:00

I went to Walmart today and tackled the photo machine. I mean this figuratively (is that a word??), but I would have preferred to tackle it physically. I ended up getting quadruplets of many of the pictures I ordered and not getting some of the other ones I wanted. It kind of made me laugh, so if anyone wants a copy of pictures from my trip to California or my trip to Colorado, let me know! :)
Sarah and I went to see the movie Madagascar this afternoon. If I had to review the movie, I'd call it strange. It had its funny parts, but strange describes it more accurately.
I spent time with Scott and his family tonight at their big "lighting fireworks" gathering. It was really fun to light fireworks and I really enjoy spending time with his family. On the way back into Lincoln, his dad and I discussed which actors and actresses we thought were "hot" and why we thought that...it was a really humerous conversation.
I got a call from my mom tonight. My parents are spending the night in Georgia before making the rest of the journey tomorrow. I wish I could be there and I wish I could give my Grandparents a big hug. I'll stay close to them with my thoughts and prayers though. Any thought in your prayers for them is appreciated too.
Have a happy 4th of July tomorrow. I'm headed back to the farm in the morning for some 4-wheeler riding and hanging out. I'll spend time with my roommie I haven't seen for 6 weeks tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow evening, I will be in Seward where there is supposedly a fun 4th of July celebration.
Peace out and have a great holiday.

Scared

2005-06-30T21:05:00.000-04:00

I received one of those phone calls today that you hate to get. My mom called this evening, and after a short amount of small talk, she said "Grandpa went to the doctor today." Okay... "He had an MRI and they see what looks like a shadow on his pancreas." Okay... "He's being admitted to the hospital soon and having surgery on Tuesday." Okay... "Your Dad and I are packing up tomorrow and driving down to Florida to be with them." I'm so scared. My Grandma and Grandpa have been second parents to me ever since I was little. They are two of my best friends. They are supposed to be invisible or something...not having to deal with serious illness. I pray that what they find is something minor and easily taken care of. For the time being, they suggested I stay in Nebraska, so I will sit and wait way too far away to feel like I'm helping at all.

Laughing

2005-06-30T15:33:00.000-04:00

I love to laugh. I have a short story that occurred this past week that illustrates my point. Julie and I were returning from a bike ride. We were in the process of locking our bikes up together when we leaned in quickly at the same time to look at something. Each of us were still wearing our bike helmets, so it wasn't long until we bonked heads pretty hard. The negative part of this situation was that it would have been semi-embarrassing had anyone witnessed our lack of coordination. The positive part of this was that it didn't hurt since we both had helmets on, and it gave us a great reason to laugh uncontrollably for the better part of 15 minutes. I love when a situation catches me off guard in a way that is humerous and deserves laughter. We had several of those moments last night after a late-night game of pitch. Laughing is so great.

Random thoughts and a brief saga describing my recent self-reminder of why I don't drink anymore...

2005-06-26T19:04:00.000-04:00

Last night, I was reminded of why I chose to say goodbye to the "party lifestyle" and adopt a more sober way of celebrating events and spending time with friends. It had been quite a while since I drank in excess, so last night it didn't take very much time or very many drinks until I was intoxicated. I was at a friend's apartment and Scott was there to watch over me, but that is precisely why I don't like drinking...I hate it when people have to take care of me. I had fun last night, but the fun was in being with my friends and not with the alcohol. I'm done with that for quite a while again...
A friend of mine got married last night. Hopp and I attended the wedding together. It was great to spend some time with him as he is away for the summer and I have been busy with work. I enjoyed his running commentary during parts of the wedding and reception and it was nice to talk with him about what has been going on in life. Guy friends are great!
I went to church this morning...on one side of me sat my ex-boyfriend and on the other sat my eye doctor....kind of random. I talked with my ex after church for a while. It's hard to explain what I'm feeling when it comes to our friendship. I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry about what happened, but I have moved on. I will be civil to him, but I don't think I consider him a friend.
I had a wonderful conversation with a friend this morning where we discussed what is going on in life and how things seem so complicated sometimes. I went on a picnic for lunch...that was fun! Ryan came over this afternoon and we hung out for a while. I babysat tonight for my favorite family in Lincoln. The kids are so sweet...I want to be a mother!
Okay, time for bed. I wish everyone a wonderful start to your week!

What a day!

2005-06-24T14:23:00.000-04:00

Today was very productive and enjoyable. Here is what I did today and have planned for the rest of the day...
-I watched a movie this morning (Finding Neverland---I strongly recommend that movie!)
-I went out to lunch at Wendy's...yummm!
-I mowed my first lawn! I really enjoyed it as it resembles my favorite chore (vacuuming), it's just much more strenuous
-I had a job interview and was offered a position for next fall! :-D
-I hung out at the Student Center for a while and chatted with John and some other church friends I hadn't seen in a while.
-I briefly talked to my roommates.
-I brought dinner to my parent's house.
-I leave to go babysit in a few minutes.
-I plan on making some phone calls after the kids go to bed and catch up on some scheduling stuff.
It has been a busy but a great day! Tomorrow it's wedding time again, so I shall spend the day with my friend Andrew and go to the wedding with him tomorrow night. I haven't seen him in a while, so it will be lots of fun!
Chao and have a great evening!

Hoy ("today" en espanol)

2005-06-21T19:49:00.000-04:00

Today was a busy day! I spent the day with the 3 kids I nanny. We went to swimming lessons this morning, read at home, played games this afternoon, and went to the library. After coming home from their house later this afternoon, I stopped by home to get the bike-carrier and then stopped by Scott's house to get my bike. I drove to the apartment and had dinner with Julie. After that, a group of us went to Jazz in June...good times! It was fun because there were lots of people there that I knew from a variety of places. We played pitch and listened to music for a while. I left Jazz in June on my bike and rode home to give my Mom and Dad their anniversary present. I rode my bike back to campus and called Julie when I discovered that they were going to play a game of sand volleyball. Soooo, 3 games later, I'm all tired out. Oooo, Leah and I made sand angels too! What a busy but what a good day! Happy hump day tomorrow everyone! (ya' know, Wednesday--middle of the week--"hump" of the week---yeah)
PS--John, we have your ticket for the Lofte...are you still on for July 8th? :-D

Things that make me happy

2005-06-20T19:53:00.000-04:00

1. Laughing with my family
2. Spending time with friends
3. Cheerios, Ketchup, Pickles, Baked Beans (not all together, silly)
4. Sleeping in
5. Playing Piano and singing karaoke
6. Talking to my Grandma on the phone
7. Crocheting
8. Taking pictures
9. Driving with my windows down
10. Listening to the same song over and over
11. Biking and Raquetball
12. Showering after sweating or after not showering for a long time
13. Helping people with their problems
14. Twirling a flag
15. Cooking and Cleaning (sometimes!--don't get your hopes up! :))
16. Going to weddings
17. Traveling
18. Wearing fun socks
19. Sleeping on my futon
20. Smelling flowers

Julie

2005-06-19T19:14:00.000-04:00

I spent all of today with one of my best friends. This entry is dedicated to her as today reminded me of how precious of a gift she is. It's a rare experience (at least from my point of view) where I come across someone in life as giving, supportive, and of course funny as her. Ever since we met 3 years ago, something clicked and ever since we have been inseparable. We can read each other's thoughts. We know when the other needs support or when they just need to be left alone. We know how to cheer each other up, and we do so with ease. I laugh at her jokes and she laughs at mine. There is a great comfort in knowing she is here for me and I will always be here for her. I consider myself extremely lucky to know her and be able to call her my friend.

Searching

2005-06-16T19:23:00.000-04:00

I'm searching for something. This cannot be seen, but I'm on a quest. I'll write more on this later...it's a deep thought and I'm really tired right now. Have a great Thursday!

Do I have a sign on my forehead that says "PLEASE TELL ME YOUR LIFE STORY?!

2005-06-14T19:56:00.000-04:00

I was at the grocery store tonight and had an experience that seems to happen on a semi-regular basis. This phenomenon fascinates me and I do not understand why it happens. Random people start talking to me and telling me things about themselves. I was in line waiting for my pictures, and an older man started telling me all about his weekend. Not only did he describe the concert he went to, but he actually took his pictures out of his pack and showed them to me. I often wonder if I walk around with a sign on my forehead that reads TELL ME YOUR LIFE STORY. I don't mind listening to people talk about themselves, in fact I really enjoy it. However, these occurrances really fascinate me. This happens on airplanes all the time. I once had a man tell me about his marriage that fell apart. He had been married for 20-some years and was recently separated from his wife. I also hear about new grandchildren, health problems, and family reunions. I love talking to random people, just wonder why some people tell me some things.
I talked to my mom tonight. It was great to hear from her...(she's still in California). In the background, I could hear my family yelling "HIII", "We miss you!" It made me cry again...I miss them so much. I love my family.

Dancing

2005-06-11T21:27:00.000-04:00

I just returned from a friend's wedding reception. At this event, I was reminded of how much I love to dance. My attempt to dance is pretty sad, but I enjoy it regardless. I figure as long as I'm having fun, it doesn't matter how ridiculous I look. My feet hurt, but it was sooo worth it!

Ready....Set....COMMENT!

2005-06-10T06:28:00.000-04:00

I haven't had any comments on my blog lately, so I thought I'd make an entry where the sole purpose is to receive comments. So....pick any topic and tell me your opinion about it. This can be a fun way to see who all reads my blog and what your opinions are on things. Have a great Friday!

I miss my sister and cousins...

2005-06-09T21:03:00.000-04:00

I'm back in Nebraska. As it is nice to be home, I miss my family so much. I had a great time with my sister, my cousins, and other extended family out in California. I called my mom tonight and must have sounded kind of down--about 15 minutes later, one of my cousins called...I answered the phone to a "GUESS WHOOOOO?!"...it made me laugh and cry at the same time. I had another nice crying spell, so hopefully that's done. I just miss everyone so much. It's hard being so far away.

Today

2005-06-07T05:27:00.000-04:00

I like the list idea, John--so here's my day:
1. woken up by the 4 dogs (each of them is under 6 lbs--you can just imagine how high-pitched their barks are) when the doorbell rang
2. said goodbye to my cousins before they left for school
3. breakfast with my parents and Grandma
4. worked on my crocheting projects (i've turned into a lean mean hat-making machine!)
5. i MUST shower...there is no question
6. going to visit my cousin at work
7. going to the mall
8. going to visit Em at her internship
9. spending quality time with my 4 cousins tonight at home...may finish our game of monopoly or play pictionary (how do you spell that??), or sing karaoke
10. get ready for my cousin's graduation (tomorrow is the big day!)

Peace out and have a great one!

If you were a safety pin, where would you live?

2005-06-06T07:03:00.000-04:00

Hi again from California! This trip has been awesome. I miss my cousins so much as we live half a country apart. It is so great to see them and spend some time with them. Today, my younger cousins (well, they're 15 and 16) have school, my graduating cousin (he's 18) has graduation practice, and my other cousin (she's 20) is at work. Right now, it's me, Grandma, Mom, Dad, and the dogs. I'm on a mission to find a safety pin. I need to pin up my new halter top. It's bright green and I really like it, just needs a little pinning. Sooo...if you were a safety pin, where would YOU live?
We're going to chill here today until everyone is done with school and Emily is back from her internship. I must say being around Em has been very refreshing as well. With all the busy times at home, I don't think I appreciated just how much I missed being around her. It has been great. Tonight, we're all going out to dinner for one of my cousin's birthdays. I hope we have some times like last night when we are all laughing so hard our stomachs hurt. I love laughing...and we do plenty of it here!
I hope everyone is having a great week! When I get back into town, I have a friend's wedding, then my Goddaughter will be baptized. After that, it's time to start nannying! There have been many good times this summer and there are more good times to be had. Take care and I'll see you soon!

Hello from California!

2005-06-04T14:04:00.000-04:00

I'm blogging to everyone from sunny California! It has been a great trip so far! I arrived yesterday afternoon and had lunch with my sister. Sooo good to see her! Then we hung out with our cousins at their house. Again, it's so good to see everyone. It feels at home to be surrounded by this family that I don't get to see very often. I helped my aunt at her elementary school this morning, went to the mall with my cousin, and sat out in the backyard this afternoon for a while. Watch out...I'm so bronze you may not recognize me! (okay so i'm exaggerating slightly). I hope everyone is having a great week!

Phanie's blog

Birthday

What I have learned in 2006

Frustrated

Church

Church

Life in October and November of 2006

WOOOOO!

Sleepy

Sleepy

Amazing People

Regathering myself.

My Grandma: my hero, My Grandpa: my angel

September, 2006

Feeling Better. Found a Church. The Move Has Arrived.

I'm sick of being sick.

What I have learned.

My lil' buddy

Gail

2 Things

Becoming who I want to be.

Adulthood

60 Hours in 6 Days.

What is this all about?!

Ahhh

Change is all around!

The End of an Era? I hope not.

Bulleted list...an Update

Easter Weekend

Comfort of familiar times vs. the Present time

Tornado Warning at the hospital.

Tinkerbell and the Midwest

Poll--Responses Requested

Disappointment

2 more random thoughts

IBS

Random conversations on an airplane and Lent

Yesterday=rough, Today=great

A suppository, my spleen, grad school, and a haircut

Valentine's Day

I don't get it.

Big Day

Grad School

Content

I can't think of a creative title right now.

Life as an Adult

Being real...

Christmas, 2005

Lucky

If life were a musical....today con'd

Can we say EMOTIONAL?!

AHHH and Awww

Life...what an interesting thing!

Blog Blog Blog oh Blog

Band, etc...

Leaves

Here are my roommies and I dressed as each other!

Torn

Sh*# that IS cool vs Sh*# that "AINT" cool

$40.18

My 3 Little Princesses

Christmas in October + update on life.

Why I want to be a nurse

Survey

Times that make you go awww

Proper use of a Blog

Washing a multicolored pen with my light clothes...awesome.

I'm stepping off the emotional roller coaster.

Hello from the Land of CHAOS!

Times that make you think

Here we are

Take a deep breath.

Today

BRING IT, final semester!

What it all means...

In Florida

On my way to Florida...

Today

Growing up

A nice phone call and childhood memories relived.

Sh# that IS cool vs Sh# that "AINT" cool